265. Be discerning

:: 00:05

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here. Today I want to talk about being discerning—not picky, not choosy, not difficult, just discerning. Because somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that being discerning is a negative thing, that it makes us high-maintenance, awkward, or difficult to please, that it might make other people feel judged or uncomfortable. And so, instead of trusting our preferences, our needs, and our limits, we override them. We say yes when we mean no. We go along with things that don't feel quite right. We put on a show. We stay longer. We tolerate more than we really actually want to. Maybe we call it being chilled, low-maintenance, or easy to please, but at what cost?

:: 01:10

I'm here to tell you that discomfort around being discerning didn't just appear out of nowhere for us. Lots of us, especially as women, were gently and repeatedly taught to be accommodating, to be polite, to not make a fuss, to prioritize harmony over honesty. You might recognize it in phrases like "don't be difficult," or "just go with the flow," or "it's not worth making a big fuss about." And over time, those messages can turn into a habit of self-abandonment: choosing the wine you don't even really like because everyone else is having it; saying yes to another round when you were actually ready to stop; agreeing to plans that leave you feeling drained rather than energized.

:: 02:02

This is where discernment comes in, and not as something sharp or critical, but as something deeply supportive to yourself. Discernment is simply the ability to notice what works really well for you and what doesn't. It's the pause before the automatic yes. It's the awareness of how something actually feels in your body. It's the willingness to honour that information. And when you start to see it that way, being discerning isn't negative at all. It's a form of self-respect.

:: 02:38

Your physical and emotional well-being matter. They're not optional extras. They're not things to squeeze in after you've made sure everyone else is comfortable. They are foundational. When you're not discerning, you end up consuming things—food, drink, conversations, environments. You end up down a scroll hole that maybe you didn't even really want to choose. And that adds up. It will show up as feeling sluggish, foggy, or discombobulated. It'll show up as irritability, resentment, or low-level anxiety, all because you're not quite listening to yourself or advocating for yourself.

:: 03:22

Discernment will be what brings you back. It allows you to ask simple but powerful questions like, "Do I actually want this? How will I feel after this? Is this aligned with the version of me I'm becoming next?" The quiet check-ins, the kind that shifts things gently but meaningfully over time.

:: 03:45

Now, you might be thinking, "That sounds great, but what about other people? What if being discerning makes things awkward? What if someone feels judged? What if it changes how I'm seen by other people?" And these concerns are totally understandable. But being discerning doesn't require you to announce or justify every decision. It doesn't mean criticizing what others are doing. It simply means making choices that are true for you.

:: 04:15

You can say, "No thanks. I'm good," without explaining anything further. You can leave earlier than everyone else and trust that it'll be okay. You can choose not to drink or to drink less because that feels better for you, quietly, calmly, without fanfare or massive drama or massive overexplanations. And yes, sometimes, of course, that's going to feel unfamiliar, maybe even a bit uncomfortable. But that discomfort isn't a sign that you're doing it wrong. It's actually just a sign that you're doing something different and you're not quite used to it yet. The more you practice discernment, the more natural it will become. You start to trust yourself. You start to notice how much better you feel when your choices are aligned with your needs and values.

:: 05:09

If you've been holding back from being discerning because you worry it makes you difficult or selfish, I want to gently offer you a different perspective. Being discerning is not about rejecting the world around you. It's about choosing your place within the world more consciously. It's about recognizing that your energy, your well-being, and your experience of your life are worth paying attention to. Be discerning today, I dare you.

:: 05:40

You can find me on Instagram at drinklesslivebetter and online at drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. You can check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help you with your 5:00 PM cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programmes. And PS, I believe in you.