244. Bless You
Hmmm.... a seemingly kind platitude - or is it? Let's examine it in today's episode!
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Transcript
Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less Live Better podcast. I'm your host Sarah Williamson.
-:Be sure to follow me on Instagram at drinklesslivebetter and head to the website drinklesslivebetter.com where you can sign
-:up for the five-day drink less experiment, download my free habit tracker and join my email club for regular inspiration,
-:ideas and resources to help you live better.
-:Today I want to talk about a tiny phrase that so many of us use without thinking. Bless you.
-:Not the sneezing one, the other one that slips into conversations when someone is going through something tough or complicated or messy.
-:It might sound like care or compassion but it can in fact land very differently.
-:When someone says oh bless you, let's see.
-:After someone who shares that they're struggling, how would it feel?
-:Perhaps they've made a mistake, maybe life feels heavy or they could be totally overwhelmed.
-:Some people respond automatically with oh bless you On the surface it sounds gentle, it sounds sympathetic, it sounds like
-:the speaker is reaching out with softness, however tone and intonation matter.
-:And for many people bless you sounds like poor you or your silly thing or even I am above you in this moment.
-:There's often a quiet hierarchy embedded in that phrase, a sense of pity dressed up as empathy. It's subtle.
-:Across the pond, over there in parts of the southern USA, I'm led to believe bless you has an entirely different flavour.
-:Essentially it's a socially acceptable way of expressing disapproval or criticism without being openly rude.
-:The cute sounding phrase used to soften a hard judgment.
-:In that context, bless you could be code for you have no idea what you're doing or that was foolish, what did you do that for or even you utter idiot. Harsh.
-:It's a perfect example of how a seemingly kind phrase can carry a sharp undertone and how language can be used to maintain
-:politeness while still asserting superiority and if you've ever been on the receiving end of it you'll know the feeling.
-:You share something vulnerable but instead of connection you feel slightly diminished as if the other person is observing you from a place of power.
-:This is why the phrase can feel condescending because pity is not the same as compassion.
-:Pity pushes people down and compassion meets people somewhere more neutral. Bless you.
-:Is the person delivering that phrase considering themselves to be somehow wiser, more sorted or emotionally competent perhaps? Hmm.
-:This brings us on to something fundamental, the importance of seeing other people as equals.
-:In healthy respectful communication both people meet eye to eye.
-:There is no emotional ladder where one person stands at the top looking down dispensing approval, advice or sympathy from a distance.
-:When we see others as equals we listen more deeply, we resist the urge to fix, we stay with the discomfort of somebody else's
-:experience rather than trying to tidy it away neatly.
-:And we don't reach for language that places us above them even subtly.
-:And just as importantly we need to see ourselves as equals to.
-:When we see ourselves as less than we are far more likely to feel the sting of phrases like bless you.
-:We may even interpret neutral or well-intentioned comments as patronizing because a part of us already believes we do need guidance or rescuing or fixing.
-:Feeling less than makes us fragile in interactions.
-:We overanalyze, we feel shame, we assume others know better, we hand away our power without even noticing it's happening.
-:This is why self-awareness and reflection are so important.
-:When we reflect we can ask why did that phrase bother me?
-:Did it trigger an old story that I'm not capable or competent?
-:Did I assume the other person was judging me or was I judging myself first?
-:Self-awareness lets us tease apart the external behavior from our internal meaning making.
-:And equally if you're someone who uses the phrase bless you this might be a moment for reflection.
-:How does this podcast episode feel for you right now?
-:Maybe you feel slightly uncomfortable because this phrase is in your vocabulary.
-:Maybe you're thinking I don't mean it in a patronizing way or maybe you feel defensive, confused or a bit exposed and that'd be completely understandable.
-:Most people don't use bless you with unkind intent.
-:It's often inherited language passed down through families, communities or cultures or sometimes it's a habit.
-:The invitation here is to become curious.
-:Ask yourself, what do I really mean when I say that?
-:Am I trying to connect or am I trying to distance myself?
-:Is this a phrase of compassion All of pity.
-:Does it place me above the other person in some small way?
-:You can keep the phrase if it aligns with your intention, you can let go of it if it doesn't or you can replace it with something that expresses genuine empathy.
-:Maybe I'm really sorry you're going through this thing or that sounds tough, do you want to talk about it?
-:Or simply I'm here to listen to you instead of bless you the next time the opportunity presents itself.
-:Language shapes our connections and connection thrives on equality. Okay friends pay attention.
-:Notice the phrases you use by default.
-:Notice the ones that bother you when you hear them.
-:Notice whether your responses lift people up holds them steady or unintentionally pushes them down.
-:Equality in communication is an act of respect and it's one of the most powerful tools we have for building healthier deeper
-:relationships including the one we have with ourselves. Thank you for listening in today.
-:If you enjoyed this episode please follow, subscribe, rate and review Drink Less Live Better wherever you listen to your podcasts.
-:And if you'd like more support in learning to trust yourself and live with greater confidence and calm then visit drinklesslivebetter.com
-:Check out the show notes today for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5pm cravings and details
-:about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs and P.S. I believe in you.
