255. Clear is kind

:: 00:06

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I am really glad you're here. Today we're talking about being clear with ourselves and with other people, which sounds so simple, doesn't it? And yet, when clarity is missing, we tend to feel it everywhere. In our relationships, our work, our habits, our energy levels, life can start to feel slightly out of focus, like we're always adjusting but never quite landing right. And so today I want to explore why clarity really matters, how it connects to boundaries and values, and how we can actually get clearer rather than just wishing we magically were.

:: 01:01

Because clarity reduces friction in our lives. I'm going to say that again, partly so you can really hear it and partly because I need the reminder myself right now. Clarity reduces friction in our lives. And wouldn't that be nice? When we're clear with ourselves, we make fewer decisions from guilt, pressure, or autopilot. When we're clear with other people, we reduce misunderstandings, resentment, and that heavy feeling of, "I wish I'd said something," or, "Said it differently," or maybe not said it at all. Lack of clarity often shows up as overcommitting, people-pleasing, snapping unexpectedly, or feeling drained without fully understanding why. We say yes when we mean no. We hint instead of asking. We hope other people will just get it and then feel hurt or frustrated when they don't. I am particularly good at hinting instead of asking with my family. I'm getting better, though, and let me tell you, practice really does help.

:: 02:23

Clarity gives us a steadier internal compass. It helps us act in ways that actually fit who we are and what matters to us. And this is where boundaries come in. Boundaries help us to get clearer about what we will and won't tolerate. They're the internal rules we have for how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. And boundaries are much easier to hold when they're rooted in clarity. If you're clear that rest really matters to you, you're more likely to stop working when you're exhausted. If you're clear that honesty is a core value, you're more likely to have uncomfortable conversations rather than avoid them. If you're clear that drinking less supports the life you want, you're more likely to say no to that glass of wine without endlessly justifying yourself. Boundaries become less about control and more about alignment. They're behaviours that quietly say, "This is who I am, and this is how I want to live."

:: 03:32

And clarity doesn't stop with us. It also shapes how we relate to other people. One of the most powerful and underused skills is asking for what we need or want. Not demanding, not expecting mind reading, simply asking, and I say simply knowing that it's not always simple. But we can only ask clearly if we actually know what we need or want. So often we say things like, "I just need you to be more supportive," or, "I want more balance in my life," and those are understandable, but they're also quite blurry. Clarity might sound more like, "I need an hour to myself on Sunday afternoons," or, "I'd like you to check in with me before making plans for me." When we're clear, we give other people something they can respond to. Without clarity, we leave people guessing, and guessing doesn't always work out very well.

:: 04:35

So how do we gain clarity in the first place? Well, it doesn't usually arrive fully formed. It's uncovered through curiosity, experimentation, and honesty. A good place to start is noticing friction in your life. Where do you feel resistant, resentful, or repeatedly drained? Those moments often point to a lack of clarity or a boundary that hasn't yet been named. Another helpful tool is asking better questions. Instead of asking, "What is wrong with me?" try, "Hmm, what feels out of alignment right now?" or, "What am I saying yes to that costs too much?" or, "What would feel more supportive for me here?" or, "If I were being honest, what would I actually want?"

:: 05:28

Quiet thinking time can help with this, so can journaling, coaching, or even talking things through out loud to yourself. Sometimes clarity appears halfway through a sentence rather than before we start speaking. It's also important to remember that clarity can change. What fitted you last year may not fit you now. And being clear doesn't mean being rigid. It means being responsive to who you are right now. And a final point, clarity really might require some compassion. You won't always know the answer immediately. You won't always get it right. Being clear is a practice, not a personality trait. Every time you pause, reflect, and choose more intentionally, you strengthen that muscle.

:: 06:19

So here's a question to take away with you today. Where would a little more clarity help your life feel lighter? With yourself, with somebody else, or maybe you don't know yet, but you're willing to find out in good time. You can find me on Instagram at drinklesslivebetter and online at drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with 5:00 PM cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programmes. And PS, I believe in you.