21. People pleasing and alcohol

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Hello darling heart, and welcome to the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking

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less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol

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free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back. With my experience and training I now help other women with their

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alcohol free or drink less adventures. I'm here to tell you that you can be truly joyful without alcohol in your life. Join

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me here each week to find out how. Today I'd like to tell you a story about how drinking alcohol was sometimes something I

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did to please other people. There was a whole load of different reasons why I felt fearful about choosing my alcohol free

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life experiment ranging from the completely ridiculous to the just about justifiable. One of the reoccurring themes though

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was worrying about what other people would say to me, say behind my back or say under their breath. Now before we go any further

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with this let's just explore the other people concept. Who were the other people that I was worried about? Well, inside my

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head they were my husband, my kids, my close family, my best friends, my extended family, casual friends, colleagues, acquaintances,

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parents of my kids' friends, online pals, and in fact also people I didn't know. They exist in a kind of hierarchy in my mind,

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and I worried about what all the people would think when I told them I wasn't drinking for a whole year. Two interjections

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just here. Number 1, we always think that other people are more interested in us and our lives than they actually are. This

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is normal and I have a word with my ego anytime I start to think differently from this. Number 2, what other people think

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about us and say about us is none of our business and it should stay this way. On my list of other people I was worrying about,

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some of them I would never need to tell. I didn't owe them any part of my story. I needed to tell them I didn't drink as much

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as I needed to tell them that I prefer DMs over trainers. It's information that just doesn't matter to anyone who doesn't

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really know you. Then I had a thought about that saying, those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter, And

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I absolutely knew that would be true with all of my close family and friends. My husband barely batted an eyelid when I told

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him about my alcohol free life choice, and let me tell you, he can be deeply cynical at times. Last night, I told him I was

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going open water swimming for the first time, and he said, why are you doing that? You can barely swim the length of yourself.

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I love him, but he is not a man with huge belief. So my husband, family, and friends either did or didn't comment, did or

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didn't want to chat about my choice, perhaps chatted behind my back, or, of course, perhaps they thought nothing of it. I

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struggled a bit with everyone else in my social circle. I found myself over explaining to colleagues, oversharing on a mum's

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night out, and justifying my choice to a waitress in a bar who really wasn't that interested. And why? Maybe because I like

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to people please. Saying yes comes so naturally to me. I had these ridiculous thoughts that turning down a g and t at a leaving

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party felt unsociable, saying no to Fizz at a birthday felt rude, and that replying that I'd prefer a soft drink at the races

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was not playing the hospitality game correctly. I didn't want anyone else to feel uncomfortable. I was in discomfort myself,

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and I didn't want to share it. I didn't want anyone to have to make a special effort for me, and I didn't want a light shone

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on my choice or for anyone to ask me any questions about it. But this has all been such a gift of a lesson. With the passing

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of time, I've become so much more practiced, and therefore better at saying no to the alcohol pushers. And I used to be one

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of the worst alcohol pushers. Go on. Surely, one won't hurt. Insert eye roll emoji right here. People displeasing has become

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so much easier, and of course no one is really displeased. That was all my own interpretation of a situation that simply only

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existed in my overworked mind and not reality. Being alcohol free has allowed me to stop worrying so much what others think

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in all areas of my life, and I'm crystal clear about the fact that my choices are about me and not about anyone else, and

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I'm pleased about that. I'm a really pleased person, in fact. Thank you for listening to this episode. Please listen in again

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next time. You can sign up to my 5 day drink less experiment and find out about working with me one to 1 at drink less live

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better.com. I'd love it if you could 5 star rate and review this podcast. It would make me happier than a kid in a sweet shop.

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Thank you, and PS, I believe in you.