38. Things you'll never hear me say (Part 1) "If I can do it, anyone can"

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Hello darling heart, and welcome to the drink less, live better podcast. This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking

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less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol

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free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back. With my experience and training, I now help other women with their

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alcohol free or drink less adventures. I'm here to tell you that you can be truly joyful without alcohol in your life. Join

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me here each week to find out how. Now I'm gonna have a bit of a whinge. If you hang out in Facebook groups where people are

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talking about their sober journeys, if you listen to podcasts about living without alcohol, and if you look at inspirational

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instant influences on the subject of recovery, you'll see someone, somewhere chip in with the comment, if I can do it, anyone

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can. Uh-huh. Yep. I've got something to say about that. Of course I have. You bet I'm here with something to say. Let's listen

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again. If I can do it, anyone can. Before I start, I just what I'm about to say with this. If you've said it before, I'm sure

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you've done it from a place of love. I'm sure you said it out of support, and I'm sure you were meaning to be helpful. But

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here are my thoughts. Let's break it down. If I can do it I gotcha. I see the possession in this statement. I hear you loudly

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judging yourself. I understand you declaring your lost coarseness to us all. I see it as a statement of power, and those things

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might all feel good for you, and I'm delighted if they do. But hang on a hot sec. Your audience, us over here in cyber space,

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in the social media abyss or the podcast solitude, likely don't know, haven't seen, read, or listened to your backstory, so

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we don't know how good or how bad you were before you stopped drinking. We don't know whether it was 7 days, 7 weeks, 7 months

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or 7 years ago. We don't know what circumstances made you choose to stop or how you came to that decision. We've got no frame

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of reference other than your word, and we don't know from that snapshot part of the sentence, if I can do it, whether we can

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put our trust in you. We might have very little faith in ourselves in this moment, and hearing someone else say, if I can

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do it, may well lead us to ask all kinds of questions of ourselves that may not be in the least bit helpful. Oh, if they can

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do it, why can't I? I must be really bad. I must be one of the ones who can't do it. I'm failing at this, and here's more

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evidence as to why I should feel full of guilt and shame. It's not completely helpful, is it? So let's listen again. If I

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can do this, anyone can. So let's have a quick look at the anyone can angle. Okay? Can anyone? Can they? Look. I don't want

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to be morbid or downbeat, but there's plenty of evidence out there to show that this is simply not true. People die every

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day. Alcohol is a killer. It's simple. Anyone cannot do this. Anyone cannot stop drinking, and they don't and they die from

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it. There's families and their friends suffering terribly alongside them. It's a horrible, horrible way to go, and the mere

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hint of a suggestion or supportive, even though you might have meant it to be. We should never think that because we've walked

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a certain path, that someone else can follow behind us. No two people on this planet have had identical journeys to get where

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they are now. And so we all have unique histories, stories, habits with different shapes, sizes, genetic makeups. Our families,

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friends, finances, support, resources, mindsets, educations are different. Different. No one else has been through what you've

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been through. No one else has been through what I've been through, and that's good. If I can do it, anyone can potentially

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sounds like cheerleading and championing, but I urge you to think very carefully if you choose to use it in future. You won't

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ever hear me using this turn of phrase: I doubted that I could do it. I don't know that I always will be steady in my commitment

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to myself, and I'll never know if my version of doing it is the right way. I know for sure it's not a possibility for everyone,

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and I honour that sad reality. There's loads of things we can say, do and share to offer inspiration to those coming behind

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us. Let's choose better words of encouragement. Thank you for listening to this podcast episode. Please listen in again next

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time. You can sign up to my 5 day drink less experiment and find out about working with me 1 to 1 at drink less, live better.com.

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I'd love it if you could take a moment to 5 star rate and review this podcast today. Thank you. And, PS, I believe in you.