214. Things you’ll never hear me say (Part 11) "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger"
Sarah argues that suffering isn’t a pathway to personal growth, and emphasises the importance of seeking support and acknowledging vulnerability.
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Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better. Find resources on my website, drinkless,livebetter.com. I hope you enjoy this episode. Let's get straight to it.
-:Continuing my mini series of things you'll never hear me say, this is episode 11.
-:What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, that's a harmful myth.
-:I want to challenge this piece of motivational folklore that has wormed its way into our collective consciousness.
-:The phrase what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, is not just a platitude.
-:It's a dangerous misconception that minimizes human suffering and provides a dangerously reductive view of resilience and trauma. Trauma. Let's be quite clear.
-:Trauma is not a universal strengthening agent.
-:Human psychological and emotional experiences are complex.
-:Many experiences that don't literally kill us can in fact profoundly damage us, leaving lasting scars that diminish rather
-:than enhance our capacity to cope with future challenges.
-:Consider for a moment the survivors of intense physical or psychological abuse.
-:Does being beaten repeatedly make someone stronger? I suspect not.
-:Does experiencing prolonged emotional manipulation suddenly transform a victim into an emotional superhero? No, of course it doesn't.
-:These experiences often leave deep wounds that can take years, sometimes entire lifetimes, to heal, if healing even is possible.
-:Psychological research consistently demonstrates that repeated research consistently demonstrates that repeated exposure to
-:trauma can lead to chronic chronic stress, depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. These conditions don't make people stronger.
-:They sometimes break people down, erode their sense of self, and create defense mechanisms that can prevent living a life and connecting with other people hard.
-:The phrase also reveals a profoundly problematic cultural attitude towards suffering.
-:It suggests that pain is somehow a valuable commodity, that we should welcome difficult experiences as opportunities for personal development.
-:This perspective places an unreasonable burden on individuals experiencing hardship.
-:It implies that if someone isn't emerging from their struggles as a more resilient version of themselves, they're some the
-:cuff. What doesn the cuff, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and they think it transforms suffering into a narrative
-:of personal growth, effectively telling people that they should be grateful for their pain. It's morally questionable.
-:Suffering is not a gift, and trauma is not a personal development workshop.
-:Mental health professionals understand that resilience is not about enduring endless punishment, but about developing healthy
-:coping mechanisms, seeking the right support, and understanding one's own emotional landscape.
-:Strength comes from vulnerability, from acknowledging pain, from seeking help, and creating supportive environments that allow healing for yourself.
-:The myth also completely ignores individual differences in human capacity.
-:People have varying levels of resilience that might be shaped by genetics, early childhood experiences, social support, and personal temperament.
-:What might be a manageable challenge for one person could be utterly devastating for another.
-:Suggesting a universal what doesn't kill you approach is potentially dangerous. Consider medical trauma, for instance.
-:Chronic illness, severe injuries, or prolonged medical treatments can fundamentally alter a person's life trajectory.
-:These experiences don't necessarily make someone stronger.
-:They might require adaptation and can lead to significant physical challenges.
-:The phrase also perpetuates a narrative of emotional suppression.
-:It suggests the appropriate response to pain is to simply endure, to grit one's teeth, and power through rather than acknowledge, feel, and process emotions.
-:To offer a bit of balance, some individuals do emerge from challenges with increased self understanding, empathy, and resilience,
-:but this occurs through intentional processing, professional support, compassionate environments, and personal reflection, not through some magical automatic process.
-:What we need, perhaps, is a more nuanced understanding of human resilience.
-:We should recognize that healing is not linear, that vulnerability is strength, that seeking help is a courageous act.
-:Supporting one another through difficulties, creating compassionate systems of care, and validating individual experiences, these are true pathways forward.
-:So the next time someone tells you what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I invite you to challenge them.
-:Understand for yourself that your worth is not determined by your ability to endure senseless suffering.
-:Your strength lies in your capacity for compassion, your willingness to be vulnerable, and your commitment to your own healing.
-:You can also forward them this podcast episode and ask them to reconsider their words. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.
-:Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5PM cravings and details about
-:my one to one life life coaching and sober coaching programmes. And, PS, I believe in you.
