288. Transactions and relationships

:: 00:05

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here.

:: 00:15

Transactions and relationships: let's have a look at the differences between living a transactional life and living a relational life. A transactional life is one where we become focused on what we're getting out of something — what will this give me? Is this worth my time or energy? What do I need to be, do, or have to get the result I'm looking for here? And I'm not saying there isn't a place for that. We all have jobs to do, bills to pay, responsibilities to manage. Sometimes we absolutely have to be practical to get things done.

:: 00:53

But I wonder what happens when that way of thinking starts to dominate our lives? When friendships become about who makes the most effort? When we help someone and quietly keep a record of what they owe us in return, or use it as an opportunity to shout about how fabulous we are? Or when we approach our own well-being as another project with targets to hit and boxes to tick? Life can start to feel like a never-ending exchange of time, money, or energy.

:: 01:30

Can we consider a more relational life? One in which we think about the quality of our connection with the people around us, with ourselves, and with the world we inhabit? A friendship, perhaps, where you can simply enjoy someone's company. There's no particular agenda. You don't need to impress each other or make the time together count. You can just be yourselves.

:: 01:55

Maybe some of us have spent years being useful, dependable, and getting on with things without asking for anything in return. We might have become very good at managing the practical business of life, while finding ourselves a little disconnected from the experience of actually living it. Should I say that again for those at the back? We might have become very good at managing the practical business of life, while finding ourselves a little disconnected from the experience of actually living it.

:: 02:28

And our relationship with alcohol might be a part of this, too. Perhaps drinking was something that you did at a particular time because that's what happens at the end of the working day — a habit, a reward for getting everything done, or maybe a way to make socializing feel easier. When you begin experimenting with drinking less, you have an opportunity to question what you really want from those moments. And perhaps you want connection, a sense of belonging, or some breathing space after a demanding day. And those are relational needs, and understanding them can help you discover different ways of meeting them.

:: 03:09

So here's a question for you: where in your life are you focused on the transaction, when you might actually be longing for a relationship? Perhaps there's a conversation you've been meaning to have, a friend you'd love to see, or an activity you could enjoy without needing to achieve something through it. You don't have to overhaul your life. Just notice where you could maybe allow a little more connection with others.

:: 03:35

Life can look perfectly organized from the outside while still leaving us wanting something more meaningful. And perhaps that something begins with the way we relate to the life we're already living. Yes, perhaps. Hello, I might sound like I'm talking to you, but I'm talking to me too. Maybe something begins with the way we relate to the life we're already living.

:: 04:01

Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at drinklesslive better.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with your 5 p.m. cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. I believe in you.