10. Lea from @glowsober and Sarah chat - what does life feel like on 'the other side' of your hangover?

Sarah

Hello darling heart, and welcome to the Drink Less Live Better podcast. This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back. With my experience and training, I now help other women with their alcohol free or drink less adventures. I'm here to tell you that you can relax, connect and have fun without alcohol in your life. Join me here each week to find out how. Today, I am delighted to have with me Lee from Glow Sober. Lee and I met in an online sober community when we were both newly alcohol free. Over the last couple of years, we've also attended some coach training together and become friends.

Lee, welcome to the podcast today.

Lea

Thank you, Sarah. Pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me.

Sarah

Great stuff. So first of all, I'm really interested that you tell everybody a little bit about Glow Sober, please.

Lea

So Glow Sober is, first and foremost, was an Instagram site where I review, as many things alcohol free as possible. That is mainly alcohol free drinks but also alcohol free literature, podcasts, things to do when you are clean and sober and you have much more time on your hands. So, it's been going since August last year. I have lost count of the amount of alcohol free drinks I have reviewed. It was born from me knowing that once I, gave up alcohol, I really would like to have some kind of replacement that wasn't just Becks Blue lime and soda or some nasty syrupy, kokie thing that you get in, pubs. So that's where it's born from.

It's growing nicely at the moment. And, yeah, I'm loving doing it. It's kind of transitioning now from just reviews into just some little kind of bite size, pieces of advice for those who are newly sober and wishing to stay that way.

Sarah

Brilliant. It's lovely. I highly recommend it, and we'll give some details at the end where people can come and find you. Tell me a little bit about what your inspiration for Glow Sober was. Where did you come up with the idea?

Lea

So, rather than start in the middle of It's Okay With You, I'll kind of just start with a little bit of a backstory because then it might make a little bit more sense. So I have had a long and complicated history with drinking, as many people have. I think it kind of started my parents divorced when I was 13. I noticed and recognized that my mum used alcohol over the period of that time as something that self medicated, kept her numb, kept her drunk as well, unfortunately. But I think that a lot of the behaviors that I picked up, I probably picked up from there in terms of using alcohol as a place to self medicate and to keep myself numb. And I think I did that probably from the time that my parents divorced. I think anybody who, is able to drink freely as a young person without any barriers, you will know how dangerous that can be.

And I think I've got myself into all sorts of scrapes and troubles from doing so. And I think that that kind of behaviour carried on over many years. And as I kind of progressed from teenager into young adult, I noticed that I was always the person that was probably the person most willing to get the most drunk, probably the person with, the most hangovers. I think I used them as badges as how bad I felt on a Sunday was how good my weekend was had been. I think one of the things that I didn't realize was that blackouts were not a normal part of normal drinking. So I blacked out regularly, couldn't remember huge swathes of my evenings, which as a young woman, and not just a young woman, a young man as well, but it's a very dangerous place to be. And so that kind of behaviour did carry on for many years. And whilst I think some people will, and I think many people will recognize this, when you are the person who's the most drunk at the party, you're always supposed to be you know, you are always the most fun. But for somebody like me, I think it was more around, my personality was as such as nobody really knew which Lee was coming out to play. So every time I was drinking, at some points, I could be extreme fun.

ed the most in my life was in: 2018

You know, there was a huge amount of, attention onto me, and that can feel very public. And when you're going through something that is highly traumatising and you are it felt feels like you're kind of almost public facing, it can be a very difficult place to be.

at carried on, right up until: 2020

drink right up until July of: 2020

And then I just realized that that time had really come. And then July 12th, I woke up on a Sunday and just decided that that was it. I had to stop because if I didn't stop, I think I kind of knew that it was gonna kill me, really. And it wasn't that I was, you know, drinking, you know, bottles of vodka or anything like that on a nightly basis, but I was drinking at least a bottle of wine. And the trouble is is, you know, so many of my friends do the same, but what one person can consider to be a problem, somebody else won't. And so July 12th, I woke up, and I knew that it had to stop and I had to change. And, really, my long term goal was to live a good life in memory of my beautiful son, and that is what I wanted to do. And the only way I know that I can do that is by being sober.

Sarah

Yeah. So and so on July 12th, was there today with another massive crushing hangover on that day?

Lea

Oh, no. It wasn't. It's just really so strange. Actually, it was one of those nights.

I don't even know. I think I may have had a couple of drinks on the night before, but I didn't have a hangover. But I just woke up and I knew that life had to be different for me. And so I knew it was serious because most of the time, anytime, you know, and and, most of us will know those day one promises where you're never gonna do it again. That they're born from that existential dread of hangovers where you promise yourself everything's gonna be different. You promise every everybody else everything's gonna be different.

Sarah

Yeah.

Lea

But you know really that it's not. And this time, I knew, and it has been ever since, and I have not looked

Sarah

back. Yeah. That that was exact similar to me or on the day that I decided that was gonna be my last day. I didn't have a massive hangover either. I had just had a couple of drinks the night before, and I think you're so right that it cut on that morning. It comes from a far more rational place in your brain where you're not just saying never again because your hangover feels so dreadful. You're able to say never again in that situation and really mean it that time. And certainly, I found I don't know if you do this, but, I found it helped me from the beginning not to say I was never drinking again. I started out with a much smaller goal. I didn't start out thinking that this was gonna be life changing for me.

But of course, it's turned out to be so.

Lea

Too big. Yeah. Too big.

I from I gave up, I think, in: 2001

Go and do so. So what the first thing I did was I went and told everybody as much as much as I could because I've got that horrendous fear of, embarrassment if you say you're gonna do something and you don't do it. So the best way for me is to put it out there and say, that's it, I'm really so I told everybody, and I don't think everybody particularly believed me to start with and I think out of all of the people who would give up drinking, I wouldn't be one of them, you know, I wouldn't be in the frame for that. And so consequently, I've had a huge amount of support, you know, like every day, you know, because I use, you know, I use apps, I use counters, I count my days, I love my days, everyone feels special, and every day should feel special. And the thing is, is, you know, what you realize when you don't drink is how much you relied on drink to in some way what you're calling take the edge off. I don't want my life to be something I take the edge off. I want it to be something that I fully enjoy without taking the edge off. Do you know what I mean?

Sarah

Absolutely. Living a life that we don't need alcohol to escape from. Living, you know, in the joy that we can every day. So you woke up on that 12th July. Tell me a bit about how the idea for Glow Sober then came about and followed on from that moment forward.

Lea

Okay. This is gonna sound, to some people, odd, but I will tell you anyway. So I, as I've already mentioned, I'm I'm a runner, so I do quite a lot of running, and and my, I've I've just recently moved to Bournemouth. But prior to that, I'd lived in the same very small village my whole life, where my son was born, brought up, and is now buried. And he's buried kind of at the top of the village. Beautiful setting where I used to run every day, so I could go and see him. And so early August, I was running, beautiful sunny day, really early in the morning, and I was running along to the churchyard, literally got adjacent to his grave, and GlowSaver came into my head with such a force, almost like an epiphany. It was such a force where I could see in front of me everything that it could possibly be and everything I I know it's going to be. And I felt like it was a gift from Jack because it just showed me the life that I am capable of living, that I never dreamed would be possible. And I want to do it in his name and in with with his spirit and his kind of essence in me because he had, he was a very, strong willed boy. It's something I'm very proud of now.

Not always easy when it's your own children to have very strong willed children because obviously you don't want them to be robots, but you'd like it if they did what they were told once in a while. And Jack has written on his gravestone a man of my own rules because that's exactly what he was and that's what he used to say.

I don't think it was exactly true. And I want to live in that, in that spirit, you know, that there are no boundaries for me and there are no boundaries for anybody. You can, and it sounds, you know, and until you're doing it, you can create the life that you want to. Yeah. It takes work and you have to be realistic. No. You can't have a £1,000,000 house and a Ferrari. But in terms of the life of service that I want to have, and that's really what came to me, struck struck me. My story, my relationship with alcohol, can mean something to other people and it can support other people. And I want to do that in Jack's honor because I think it's really important. And he taught me that the only limit I have is my own belief, and that's it.

I love that.

Sarah

I love that. And so on that, on that point then, you've been, working away, putting together your really fabulous reviews, for quite a while now. Is that the direction that you intend to keep on going, to keep on adding to that, or, have you got other plans in the pipeline for the future?

Lea

So I'm kind of on the the the kind of precipice of something new now, which is fantastic. And I want to keep my, review site going because I think it's really important. I have lots of lovely messages get them from, etcetera, as well as the literature.

But I am branching off into training. So, looking at mindful drinking, looking at those limiting beliefs in terms of people. You know, I'm not somebody who says just because I've given up drinking, everybody else should give up drinking.

That's not what I'm about. I'm saying if you want some information about alcohol, if you want some insight and some interest, and some some facts around what alcohol might do to you and some ways to moderate if that's your thing, then I can help you. And I'm not doing it in a 1 to 1 sober coaching way. I know there are lots of brilliant sober coaches out there. In fact, there are you know, you being one of them, there are there are lots out there.

So what I'm looking at is, going into kind of, blue sober training. And so that will be, largely directed at employers and employees and talking to them about drinking behaviors. So ways to fill if you want to cut down, if you want to stop providing resources and information. And that's kind of where I'm going, and I'm really really excited. So

Sarah

This is gonna be fabulous. Yeah. I love the idea of that. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me a little bit about what you do at the moment. Do you still, drink with your friends in the pub? Do you have a favorite drink in the pub?

Do you prefer to drink at home? Tell me a little bit about what your social life and alcohol looks like at the moment.

Lea

So, again, I think I'm very lucky in that, and I know this doesn't work the same for everybody, but I don't find other people drinking alcohol a trigger. In fact, right at the moment, even drunk people don't bother me that much on the whole and I know that that could be very difficult for most people, or for a lot of people. But I do still go to the pub.

I do still, socialise. My favourite kind of drinking is drinking at home, finding my favourite glass. And to me, having a really nice glass, having a really nice spot, and making time for yourself is a really important part of any drinking. It always was. You know, we don't drink there's a reason we don't drink wine from mugs.

You know drink wine from ice glasses. We drink champagne from flutes We we have a different glass for a different drink and the drink is it's not because it's the alcohol, it's because of the drink we're drinking, and it's because of how we'd like to enjoy that. And I think that that's the bit that most people need to understand is around how lovely is it to sit down with all of your friends and have a really nice tasting drink from a lovely glass with lovely people and then remember it all in the morning.

I mean, how fabulous is that? And so some of my favorite drinks, I think anybody that's explored the AF market will know that there's still an awful lot of work to be done, but it is a growing market and it's huge and there are some fantastic things that I've never drunk before. Wheat beers. I love German wheat beers.

They they are they are lovely. They're great, you know, for me. I'm starting to kind of divide my winter drinks, my summer drinks. I love the cocktails and the mocktails. So there are some that are amazing and, you know, I'm not plugging anybody, but Highball do a great ginger dram and I love ginger. Ginger is one of my favourite.

Ginger beers, ginger ales, great drinks. And this is is amazing. It's a really beautiful, beautiful drink. Looks beautiful in the bottle, looks beautiful in the glass.

What what more is there to lie? And I still love my fizzes. I still love the pop of a cork, you know, and there are some that are great. There are some that are not so great with the ones that are not so great. Some of the over, you know, the over, kind of saccharide type ones. Sometimes I'll chuck some frozen raspberries in a drink just to make it kind of give it that sharp to take the edge of the sweetness. But it's all about the atmosphere, the people, the time I take, all of those things, not just, you know, whipping a bottle out of the fridge because I'm really, you know, frankly fed up. I've had a really bad day chucking something down my neck because I think it's gonna make me feel better. I no longer do those things. I the best thing now about having a drink for me is sitting down and rather than trying to ignore my feelings, I observe my feelings and I reflect on them whilst I'm having a non alcoholic drink.

So it's about the time. It's about the mindful space that you give yourself.

Sarah

Yeah. Yeah. And definitely I, you know, my Thursday night used to be my gin and tonic night. And it was that moment where I lent back against the kitchen counter and sort of had that first big glug of g and t. And now, you know, I'm quite fond of the alcohol free gin and tonics, but as you were saying about the nice glasses, you know, I've got a really fancy heavy cut glass tumbler that I like for that, and I love the clink of the ice as it goes in the glass and cutting a slice and sort of keeping the ceremony the same. But the feeling is is totally different and actually not having that drink because I'm exhausted and I don't know quite else what to do with myself, but choosing that drink because it tastes really lovely and then sitting down for 5 minutes to gather my thoughts. I also definitely used to do that drinking at the end of the day part out of a real first.

And I hadn't realized that I just wasn't drinking enough water during the day. So I've made a real conscious effort over the last, 18 months or so to make sure that I don't arrive at 6 o'clock Very thirsty, you know, I've drunk enough water during the day. And then what I drink in the evening is a choice born out of choosing a flavor, you know, in a way of, of relaxing. I'm the same as you.

I still love to socialize. I still go to the pub with my girlfriends. And I don't think any of my girlfriends notice once they've all had one drink whether I'm drinking or or not. I think people we think have a tendency to think that people care about what we're doing more than they actually do.

Lea

Delusions of grandeur, isn't it? Yeah. You just think that you're you know, nobody cares what's in my glass any more than I care what's in their glass. It's just it doesn't matter. What matters is you're having fun?

Sarah

Yeah. Absolutely that. And if I'm having you know, if they happen to be drinking gins and tonics, and I happen to be drinking tonic in in a gin glass in the pub, nobody knows any different. Nobody knows any different. And you're so right to say that the important stuff that really matters is the company, is the atmosphere, is the feeling of being together, is the sharing stories and the laughter. And all of that still feels exactly the same to me as it ever did with the added bonus of no hangover in the morning.

Lea

Completely. And I think that, you know, what's really lovely is certainly with some of my friends is they, they've started to observe their own drinking. So nobody's given up drinking. But a lot of them have kind of started to try alcohol free drinks and are kind of replacing some of their alcohol with other alcohol free drinks because they, and it's not about whether they feel, and this is the thing that really kind of gets me is that some people think that you either have to be, you know, you have to label yourself as an alcoholic, which nobody has to label themselves anything. You have to be, you know, shaking in the corner or drinking from a paper bag in order to give up drinking, which is just simply not true at all. You know, if you don't want to drink and you don't feel comfortable doing it or you are unhappy with your levels of drinking, then you you simply don't have to. But our culture has taught us and our mass marketing a break and to, you know I know when I'm delivering training, I will be the most, you know, the most hated person in the room. People will automatically be defensive and say, well, I don't have a problem with drinking. And I and I kind of almost you know, you need to say nobody's saying you've got a problem with it. I'm just saying, here's the information. Here's the actual information.

This is this this is what it is. Nobody's suggesting that you have but if you want to cut down, if you want to replace those calories with something else, if you want to spend £20 less a week, I mean, I was spending I was spending because I kind of upped my you know, from the wine I was drinking. You know, the only wine I was drinking was, Marlborough, Sauvignon Blanc, New Zealand, and that was it. And I, you know, I was spending like £9, you know, I was spending £9 at least a night or a bottle. You know, and I I've kind of become one of those people. That was the only thing I could drink. But now, my partner opened a bottle of wine last night, and I thought, that stinks. It's horrible. I really don't like it, it doesn't bother me. But I thought, how could I think? Because I've changed, all my taste buds have changed and my my experience of alcohol has changed, but my experience of myself has changed.

I don't need I've got nothing. I don't need to go out and be the center of attention. I don't need to go out and stand on a table and, dance.

But I will. You know, it's a lot my my my thought was because, my favorite ever song is Taylor Swift's shake it off. And if I can still go out and dance to that, sober, then I'm alright.

And I can. Nice and cute.

That's that's it. And if I wanna get up on a table and dance, then I will, but I won't need to be drunk to do it. So Yeah. I love it. Brilliant. Yeah. Great.

Sarah

So tell us a little bit about where people can find you, online so that you can

Lea

Okay. So Instagram is just at glow sober. Facebook is glow sober. Website, which is just a review site rather than training is, www. Glowsober.co.uk. If you're interested in looking at the training as part of a well-being programme for your employer or, you know, you are an employer and you want you you know, somebody to talk to employees, you can contact me, email info at glowsober.co.uk, but you can always message me via, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn.

I mean, I'm I'm everywhere. So if you see the glow, it's it's it's me. I'm more than happy to talk to anybody pretty much about anything. I think, you know, one of the most important things about this space is collaboration. You know, we have to collaborate, we have to support each other, whether we be women, men, whoever we are, we have to support each other in in this space because it's a wonderful secret society that nobody ever tells you about, and you'd never know existed until you're here.

Sarah

That's exactly perfectly summed up. I love it. In our secret society, there's room for loads of us.

Lea

Absolutely. Good

Sarah

stuff. Lovely to chat to you today. Thank you ever so much for your time.

Lea

Oh, you're very welcome, Sarah, and thank you.

Sarah

Thank you for listening to this episode. Please listen in again next time. You can sign up to my 5 day drink less experiment and find out about working with me one to one at drink less live better.com. It would make me happier than a Buddhist monk if you would please subscribe, 5 star review, and comment on my podcast on whatever platform you listen. Imagine it like the tasting notes on the finest wine I am never going to drink. Thank you.

And PS, I believe in you.