247. What is the kindest way to look at this?

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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less Live Better podcast. I'm your host Sarah Williamson.

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Be sure to follow me on Instagram @drinklesslivebetter and head to the website drinklesslivebetter.com where you can sign

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up for the 5-day Drink Less Experiment, download my free habit tracker and join my email club for regular inspiration, ideas

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and resources to help you live better.

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Today's episode is called what is the kindest way to look at this?

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But equally it could be called what is the kindest interpretation of this behaviour?

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Or I suppose why is this person acting like an idiot?

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But that last suggestion wouldn't actually be very kind, would it? We all act like idiots.

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And we can be open-minded about that.

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We're going to talk about reacting and responding to other people in a grounded, compassionate and emotionally intelligent way.

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We're going to talk about the moments when someone behaves in a way that feels jarring, unexpected or unaligned with how you would like the world to be.

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These are the moments when our nervous systems spark up.

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And our inner storyteller starts weaving a narrative about why that person did what they did or said what they said.

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The stories we tell ourselves in these flash moments matter.

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They shape our emotional experience, our reactions and our future relationships with other people and with ourselves.

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Okay, I'm going to offer you a gentle but powerful tool.

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And this is asking yourself in those flash moments what is the kindest interpretation of this person's behaviour? Human beings are storytelling creatures.

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When we don't have the full picture we fill in the gaps and unfortunately our brains often default to assumptions that are rooted in threat, fear or negativity. It's.

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Evolutionary. We survived by spotting danger, not by giving people the benefit of the doubt.

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So when someone cuts you up in traffic, speaks sharply to you, ignores your message, turns up late or behaves in a way that

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clashes with your values, your mind might leap to they're so rude, they don't care, they're disrespectful of my time, they're incredibly selfish.

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And maybe none of those stories are true.

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What if something else was going on for them?

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By asking what is the kindest interpretation of their behaviour, you momentarily pause your automatic thinking and open up

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a bit of a space for empathy and compassion.

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Empathy and compassion don't excuse bad behaviour.

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It doesn't mean you abandon your boundaries.

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It just means that it gives you clarity before you choose how to respond.

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When a person's behaviour is upsetting, confusing or frustrating, here are four gentle internal questions you can explore.

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Number one, what else might be true here?

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Maybe they're having a hard day, maybe they're overwhelmed, maybe they're distracted, grieving, anxious or exhausted.

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Maybe they simply didn't realize how their words or was going to land with you.

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I've spent a lot of time in medical settings this last week, I mean a lot, a quick flick back in my diary for a count up and

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four hospital visits and five doctors visits are right there.

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Now one of those was in a professional capacity so I suppose we can discount that and six of them were with my son and none.

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them Of were life-threatening emergencies. But it was a lot of time spent in places where emotions are often heightened.

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So who am I in a hospital car park when two people are shouting at each other about a parking space?

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Who am I in a doctor's surgery where someone was incredibly rude to a member of staff?

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Who am I in the pharmacy when the queue was out of the door?

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I am someone recognizing the full spectrum of human emotion available and feeling empathetic towards towards those people

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who are distracted, grieving, anxious and totally exhausted around me. I see that.

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Number two, if I assume positive intent, what could this look like?

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You might discover a version of the situation that feels less personal, less sharp and altogether less about you.

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If I assume someone's over-assertive behavior is because they are having a very hard time advocating for someone they love,

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that sits easier than wow that person is a complete cowbag.

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Number three, when I'm on the receiving end of something uncomfortable, I ask myself is this behavior actually about me? And often it's not.

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Most of the time it's about their internal world, their stress, their habits, their fears or their lack of self-awareness

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and the impact they are having on other people.

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Number four, what interpretation helps me stay calm and connected?

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You're not trying to mentally let them off the hook, you're supporting yourself by choosing a perspective that reduces your emotional pain.

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Okay, hopefully some of these questions help you to stay a little bit grounded and present and kind to yourself first because

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self-kindness makes kindness towards others so much easier.

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We like it when somebody else gives us the benefit of the doubt.

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It's easy to be kind when people behave well.

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It is harder when you feel hurt, surprised or attacked.

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But the next time you feel that familiar heat rising annoyance, irritation, anger, confusion Just pause, take a breath and

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ask yourself what is the kindest interpretation of this behaviour?

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And you don't have to believe that interpretation is true, you only have to believe it might be possible.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Drink Less Live Better podcast.

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If you enjoyed it please share it with someone who might need a little extra compassion today and don't forget to follow me

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on Instagram at drinkleslivebetter and visit drinkleslivebetter.com for more tools and inspiration.

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Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5pm cravings and details about

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my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs and PS I believe in you.