183. What support do you want or need?
Can you ask for what you want or need? Do you even know what it is you want or need, or what you DON'T want or need? This can be a tricky one when we stop and think about it!
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Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm a best selling author, expert speaker, corporate workshop facilitator, and life coach.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better.
-:Find resources on my website at drink less, live better.com, and buy my book, drink less, live better.
-:It's available in all the places you might purchase a book.
-:I hope you enjoy this podcast episode. Let's get straight to it. What do you want? What do you need?
-:I'm asking this in terms of support.
-:We are so used to getting what we want and what we need, sometimes without even asking for it, that it feels really unnatural
-:when we sit down to really think about it.
-:So often in life we and the people around us are used to fixing.
-:If we say that something is wrong or something is uncomfortable or that we don't like something, our friends, our family,
-:everyone well meaning and well intentioned in our life is really quick to rush in with either the answer of yes, yes that's
-:happened to me as well, that's my thing too, or offer up a quick fix, a solution perhaps or a suggestion, and maybe that isn't
-:actually what we needed or what we wanted.
-:The desire to fix in some people is super strong, but maybe what we needed was to be listened to, to really be heard.
-:Perhaps we needed the opportunity to really sound off, and perhaps if we were face to face or on screen with somebody we really
-:needed to be seen in whatever emotion it was we were hanging on to at that particular time.
-:I was talking to somebody recently about crying how quick we are, if we're in person with somebody else, to pass them the tissue or to say, they're there. Don't cry.
-:And I had an experience recently where somebody was crying on screen, and it was just all let out, all in its own good time.
-:There was no no tissues that could be passed, and, indeed, actually, no sleeves for noses or eyes to be wiped on, just the natural release of tears.
-:Water out of eyes is completely normal, completely normal, and, of course, there's a desire to soothe but the tears were supposed to come.
-:People are really quick to hand over perhaps tools, strategies, techniques that have worked for them and of course they don't necessarily know the background for us.
-:We've all got entirely different resources available to us, whether that is a family system behind us, friends, resources
-:in terms of finances, we're all coming from a totally different place and what worked for one person won't necessarily work for the next.
-:One of those things that you will never hear me say is, well, if I can do it anyone can, because I believe that not to be
-:true, and actually somebody telling you that because they could do it everyone can adds to a feeling of perhaps less than,
-:and really if I can do it anyone can, is perhaps just a call for 'please notice me, I did a really hard thing' and of course
-:if somebody did a really hard thing I'm right there celebrating alongside them.
-:Perhaps support for you might look like needing information, perhaps advice, perhaps guidance, perhaps you'd really like somebody
-:to tell you their story so that you can recognize a bit of you in somebody else because that can be incredibly comforting
-:but people don't wait to be asked for that, sometimes they just give it without being asked, sometimes really what we need
-:is solid resources, we need somebody to give us their list of perhaps books, podcasts, people they follow because we're looking
-:for inspiration, a little spark, a glimmer, something that would really, really be good for us and maybe sometimes what we
-:want or need is cheerleading, somebody to get right behind us us and say, I believe in you. I see your capacity for change.
-:I know things can be different from you for you.
-:I see all of that stuff that you've told me about that's gone on behind that's happened before.
-:I've heard all of that, but I can see your willingness.
-:I can see that you've made a choice for something to be different for you. I'm right here with you. I'm here saying yes. Yes. Absolutely.
-:And let's do this thing together, not you're expected to do this thing by yourself.
-:Sometimes it's useful to borrow somebody else's confidence, somebody else's belief.
-:Sometimes it's useful to lean on that a bit whilst we build our own self trust, whilst we build our own self confidence, because these are important.
-:When we're looking for support we're borrowing a little bit of something from someone else, something perhaps that we can
-:get close to specifically asking for what we want or what we need, and perhaps also we might be able to learn a bit about
-:what we don't want or need and maybe we're able to say to somebody close to us, thanks very much for telling me that story
-:but, actually, I really need to get this thing off my chest.
-:Can you just listen for 5 minutes whilst I say it all without putting in any input, without giving any of your opinion?
-:You'll know the people in your life who can do that for you because of course there's people in all of our lives who can't do that for us.
-:We have a tendency to talk more than we listen and listening is so, so important when we're being a support for someone else. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.
-:Please subscribe, rate and review the podcast if you love it, and don't bother if you don't love it.
-:Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5 PM cravings and details about
-:my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programmes, and, PS, I believe in you.
