18. Why I drank when my children were small

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Hello, darling heart, and welcome to the drink less, live better podcast. This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking

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less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol

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free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back. With my experience and training, I now help other women with their

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alcohol free or drink less adventures. I'm here to tell you that you can relax, connect, and have fun without alcohol in your

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life. Join me here each week to find out how. Today, I'd like to tell you a story about my drinking and my children. When

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my children were very small and after I'd stopped breastfeeding, I started using alcohol as a way of celebrating the end of

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each week. At the time, I would often happily not drink Sunday through to Thursday, but Friday nights became a ritual of over

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drinking. I look back now and wonder how this phase in my life got so out of control. I was lucky to have 2 beautiful children

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close in age, a lovely house, fabulous husband, and supportive extended family and friends. I started binge drinking on Friday

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night using the reason that it was the end of the week and just needed celebrating. I would get together with a group of girlfriends

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who all had children of a similar age. We'd cook the kids' tea and then get stuck into the wine office. We had a giggle. We

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chatted about what had gone on during the week, what our weekend plans were, what we wanted our futures to look like, and,

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of course, we talked endlessly about our children. We shared stories, experiences, and dreams, and bonded because of the phase

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we were in in our lives. Of course, this could have been enough by itself, but it wasn't. We also bonded because we drank

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a lot together. Although we were thinking we were having meaningful conversations on a Friday night, they were never ever

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remembered the next morning, and we were never able to pick up where we left off and continue. We probably had the same conversation

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every Friday night for years. We would crack open a bottle at about 5 o'clock, and husbands would swing by from 7 o'clock

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onwards to collect mums and toddlers and take them home. By this time, I would be totally done for. There were many Friday

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nights where the children were quickly ushered to bed. I collapsed on the sofa, and I didn't cook dinner for my husband or

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I. All of this was done in the name of fun, and at the time, I really did think it was fun. But I look back now and wondered

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why none of us questioned what we were doing, or if they did, I didn't hear it. All of this came to a very natural end when

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the children got a bit bigger, and Friday night started to involve clubs after school or other activities. Where I had been

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one of the instigators of a Friday night fun, I started to offer to host it less and enjoy hangover free mornings more. I've

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got to mention that Saturday morning hangovers now, really, a crushing hangover and 2 very early rising toddlers is surely

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a special kind of hell. I cannot tell you how many times I watched Thomas the Tank Engine at 6 o'clock on a Saturday morning

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wondering if I was going to be sick or pass out. It was not good. When I first decided I'd go alcohol free, I wondered about

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the impact my drinking on Friday nights had had on my children. Obviously, I was not emotionally present for them on Friday

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evenings once I'd opened that first bottle. Today, I try not to dwell on decisions in my past I would now make differently.

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Today, I focus on all the good stuff. I believe that a lot of parenting is about modelling behaviour, and I now know my children

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are seeing and hearing about around alcohol that make me feel much more positive, and I hope to pass some of that on to them.

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Thank you for listening to this episode. Please listen in again next time. You can sign up to my 5 day drink less experiment

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and find out about working with me one to 1, drink less, live better.com. It would make me happier than a Buddhist monk if

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you would please subscribe, 5 star review, and leave a lovely comment about this podcast on whatever platform you listen.

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Imagine it like the tasting notes on the finest wine I am never going to drink. Thank you, and PS, I believe in you.