165. Why telling someone to 'calm down' might not help!
Did anyone, EVER, in the history of the universe, have success in helping someone calm down immediately after suggesting that they calm down?
Nope! I think not. Listen in to Sarah's experience this week!
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Transcript
Hello darling heart and welcome to the Drink Less Live Better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm a best selling author, expert speaker and life coach.
-:I'm here to champion you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Give me a follow on Instagram at drink less, live better, and head to the website, drink less, live better dotcom, where you'll
-:be able to sign up to the 5 day drink less experiment, find blog posts and you can choose to join The Email Club where I share
-:resources, wisdom, insights and glimmers of hope and joy. I hope you enjoy this episode. Let's get straight to it. Calm down. When in the history
-:calm down?
-:And yet it's an often repeated refrain.
-:Last week I had the misfortune of something happening that made me the very very opposite of calm.
-:I was wound up, I was agitated, I absolutely felt the adrenaline coursing through my body.
-:I felt my raised heartbeat, I felt my dry butt sweaty palms and it was so so uncomfortable.
-:I was with someone and I started to articulate everything about the situation that felt really horrible to me.
-:And I realized as I was talking, I was going faster and faster, and my voice was raising in pitch. I was deeply agitated.
-:The person on the receiving end of this shook their head and then told me to calm down, following that up with why don't you
-:just take a deep breath?' Now in that moment I was as far away as I possibly could be from being able to see that taking a
-:deep breath was a great idea, even though that piece of advice had probably been a good piece of advice the calm down that
-:had come just before it made me absolutely unwilling to hear that advice let alone take it.
-:When somebody tells us to calm down it sounds patronising, it sounds to me as if they have some sort of upper hand, more than
-:that though, it feels as if my emotions are being completely invalidated, as if I don't have the right to become elevated
-:in my feelings and panicky about the thing that really is upsetting me.
-:I should be able to reserve the right to feel what ever emotions are coming up for me at any time.
-:Being told to calm down in that instance had exactly the opposite effect on me.
-:I got more and more angry about the thing that I was already angry about and also angry at the person who was offering out
-:that gem of a piece of advice.
-:I mentioned that I was not interested in calming down.
-:I might have said a few slightly sharper words than that as well, and I said, I just want to tell you about this situation
-:and I can't help the manner in which I'm saying it at the moment.
-:It was recognized that their comment wasn't appreciated and they definitely backed down, and they were able to then listen to what I had to say.
-:And, really, that's all I was asking for, just a listening ear.
-:And, of course, people find it difficult to listen, particularly if something is uncomfortable to hear and particularly if
-:they're the kind of person who likes to fix things, to smooth the waters, to make everything better, which, of course, is
-:what this person wanted to do for me.
-:Next time you feel compelled to tell somebody to calm down, just hang on for a second before you do so.
-:Reconsider it whether it's absolutely the right thing to say or not. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.
-:Please rate or review this podcast wherever you listen, I'd be really grateful. And check out today's show notes.
-:You'll find a hidden podcast episode for your 5 pm craving. And PS, I believe in you.
