132. Alone or lonely?
The isolation I sometimes feel is NEEDED. I get space/peace of mind/an opportunity to deeply think about what I want and how I'm going to take aligned action and move forward.
I don't fear being a bit lonely because I get to meet ME there. I get to think, feel and choose my behaviour in this slightly quieter place and that is just what I need right now.
So… dear friend! Alone, lonely, isolated, peaceful, calm or connected?
It’s all OK – whatever your experience and how you choose to see it right now – it’s all OK. You are OK. Want to talk about it? sarah@drinklesslivebetter.com
Book a space in my Zoom Diary to discuss 1:1 coaching here
Buy the best-selling book Drink Less; Live Better here or order from anywhere you usually buy your books.
Subscribe to my 5 day Drink Less Experiment here
Did you know I've HIDDEN a podcast episode?
It's your secret weapon at 5pm if you are feeling cravings for alcohol. You can download it here
Did you know you can work with me 1:1 over 90 days to change your relationship with alcohol?
All details HERE
BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
PS I believe in you!
Let's get connected;
on Facebook
on insta
Check out Drink Less; Live Better for blog posts and more
Subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode - also please do leave a like or review and share the love! Thank you
Found the podcast useful? I'd love to have a coffee with you - you can buy it here THANK YOU!
Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:With my experience and training, I now help other people with their alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:You can find out more and sign up to my 5 day drink less challenge at drink less live better dot com.
-:I'm here to tell you that you can relax, connect, and have fun without alcohol in your life.
-:Join me here each week to find out how. Alone or lonely?
-:Here we all are navigating friendships and connections as adults.
-:We might have thought it would be easier as we grew up. Maybe we were wrong about that.
-:I had a friend a few years ago who took up a lot of my emotional time and energy. She was fun.
-:We lived in the same road, had kids a similar age, and lots of other things in common.
-:One day, when I mentioned I'd bumped into a potential new friend in the park, she said to me, Sarah, you are fully booked for friends.
-:You've got old university friends, work colleague friends, school mum friends, and me, that is enough.
-:You will spread yourself too thinly if you go making more friends.
-:You don't need this new person in your life.
-:And I said, oh, okay, and so I didn't pursue that friendship, and I thought I was fully booked for friends.
-:It turns out that friend was wrong about that, and actually about quite a few other things, and perhaps that's a story for another day.
-:In the last 4 years I've made some of my best friends in some really surprising, and also not surprising, ways.
-:I have a day out with a particular new friend about every 3 months.
-:We chat on the phone approximately every other week and ping messages back and forth.
-:I met her in 2020 by sending her a DM in an online group saying, hey, I see from your profile pic, you've got a Border Terrier. Me too. Aren't they the best?
-:I can't imagine not having her in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful to past me for sending a random and seemingly stalkerish message over the Internet.
-:It was brave and I could have been rejected, but I wasn't, and it was so worth that risk.
-:I met another new friend doing a coaching course in 2021 and see her for a regular meetup.
-:I met a great friend who lives on the other side of the planet in an online community.
-:We meet at the start of every month for a catch up call.
-:I didn't use social media before 2018, so the last few years have been a learning curve in navigating what is and isn't socially acceptable.
-:It's a bit like dating, I suppose, only it's do you want to be friends instead of anything else.
-:I've really deepened a few old friendships
-:One of the things I struggle with at the moment is that I want depth in a friendship.
-:I want to listen really hard to what someone is telling me and be listened to in return. I want security in that relationship.
-:I want to know I'm a priority to them, and I want to return that feeling of safety.
-:I guess letting a couple of friendships slide has meant I've been able to give others more time and space.
-:I volunteer on a Tuesday morning with a refugee group.
-:The lady who runs it is in her eighties, and I count her as a proper unexpected surprise of a friend.
-:She always has time, energy and wise counsel for me.
-:Saying this out loud makes me remember I have a couple of older friends and I really do value them for always feeling like they can give me time.
-:I have 3 ex colleague friends, each from different jobs I had in the past.
-:They are all delighted when I call them or we get together for a coffee.
-:A friend messaged recently about meeting up and started the message with, I know we're all busy, but blah blah, and the message went on, and I messaged back. I'm not too busy. I'm never too busy.
-:I have work to do and a family to think of, but I want to be in fun friendships with people I love, and I will never be too busy for that.
-:It's easy to think we're all too flipping busy and we're not If we're not here for the relationships, the fun, the connection,
-:the creativity, the kindness, the trust, and the joy, then what the heck are we here for?
-:I used to rely quite heavily on quite a large girl group of mums for connection, entertainment, and probably validation.
-:We all had kids a similar age, all lived near each other, and are all from similar backgrounds.
-:For a selection of reasons, some of which could be, I decided to choose to stop drinking in 2019, We all grew up a bit, COVID.
-:Our kids' friendships moved in different directions. Our work patterns shifted.
-:Shifted, the truth that some things just changed.
-:I'm able to reflect now and say things have changed for the better for me, but I don't think they've changed for the better for us as a group. We've become disconnected.
-:We are finding ourselves enjoying different hobbies as we explore the free time having teenagers has bought us, and we slash
-:I don't need the external validation of knowing I have a huge group of girlfriends behind or with me.
-:I recognize that having people to talk to about my interests matters a lot to me.
-:I recognize that my self worth is not tied up in big nights out.
-:This all leads to me having many moments of feeling isolated and or perhaps lonely, and I absolutely do not like admitting to feeling lonely. Lonely sounds like being a loser. It's okay.
-:I'm not really feeling like that, and I do not think of myself as a loser.
-:I think I am becoming more and more comfortable in recognizing my slightly alternative, different, outlier, rebel nature. Anyhow, this is all to say. I think this.
-:The isolation I sometimes feel is needed.
-:I get space, peace of mind, an opportunity to deeply think about what I want and how I'm going to take aligned action and move forward.
-:I don't fear being lonely because I get to meet 'me' there.
-:I get to think, feel and choose my behavior in this slightly quieter place, and that is just what I need right now.
-:So, dear friend, alone, lonely, isolated, peaceful, calm, or connected. It's all okay.
-:Whatever your experience and how you choose to see it right now, It's all okay. You are okay. Thank you for listening in today.
-:You can check out the show notes on this or any other episode.
-:You'll see the link to a hidden podcast episode to help you with your 5 PM cravings, and you'll be able to read about my one to one coaching programme.
-:Please come back again next week, and PS, I believe in you.
