280. An identity do-over

:: 00:12

Hello. Start again.

:: 00:20

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm so glad you're here. Before we begin, I'd love to invite you to visit drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find my free 5-day Drink Less experiment, a habit tracker, and be able to join my email club for inspiration and motivation. Now, let's get on to today's episode.

:: 00:48

I want to talk about identity. Most simply, identity could be considered a combination of your physical and behavioral traits that define who you are. It influences your everyday decisions and shapes what you believe you're capable of: the relationships you choose, the habits you repeat, and the stories that we all tell ourselves. Sometimes those stories are empowering, and sometimes not so much.

:: 01:16

But one of the most remarkable things about being a human is that our brains are built for change. We learn, we adapt, we respond to experience, we make mistakes and recover from them. We discover new interests, we leave jobs, begin relationships, end relationships, become parents, lose people we love, recover from illness, move house, find communities, question beliefs, and gather wisdom along the way. And every one of those experiences will leave a mark. Our identity isn't something that's developed once and then set in stone. It's adaptable and constantly changing. How good.

:: 02:00

Many of us grow up collecting labels: the sensible one, the clown, the shy one, the difficult one, the one who always keeps the peace. And some of these descriptions might have been useful at one point or another. They may even have helped us to feel safe or connected. But over time, they can become so familiar that we mistake them for permanent facts rather than snapshots of who we happen to be in that particular season of our life.

:: 02:31

When someone says, "That's just the way I am," I often wonder whether that is still true today, right now, or whether it's simply a sentence that's been repeated often enough through their life that it feels comfortable. And of course, comfort has a powerful pull. The familiar asks very little of us. Changing identity, even in small ways, can feel surprisingly unsettling and unfamiliar.

:: 03:02

Imagine someone who has always described herself as the reliable one. She says yes before she's had a chance to think. She carries everyone else's responsibility, and she feels guilty when she rests. If she begins to set boundaries, she may briefly feel like she's becoming someone she doesn't recognize, and it isn't always comfortable.

:: 03:27

And the same happens when someone changes their relationship with alcohol. For years, they may have believed they were the life and soul of every party: first on the dance floor, last off, the gin hound, the wine lover, the friend who organized the pub nights, the social secretary of the group. Do I sound like I'm talking to you, dear listener? Good. But I'm not. I'm talking to me. It was me.

:: 03:53

As those habits change, there is often a question quietly waiting in the background: "But who am I now? Who will people think I am?" And I think we sometimes expect identity to arrive fully formed before we've actually made any life changes. And in reality, identity often catches up after we've made the changes. So you try something different, you repeat it, you notice how it feels, and eventually you realize you're becoming someone who naturally just does that thing.

:: 04:30

I have seen this many times. At first, you're likely to feel as though you're borrowing somebody else's life. You might attend social events feeling uncertain, and you'll wonder how you'll fit in. But months later, perhaps you're planning weekends around walks, books, swimming, creativity, family, or maybe even simply enjoying a peaceful, hangover-free Sunday morning. And then none of it feels forced anymore. Your identity has gently evolved alongside your choices. Isn't that hopeful? Isn't that nice?

:: 05:08

Of course, not every part of our identity needs or wants replacing. Some qualities deserve protecting: kindness, courage, a sense of humor, generosity, the ability to listen well. These aren't fixed, and they are strengthened every time we choose them. Perhaps that's a nicer way to think about identity: less as a fixed description and more as a living practice, something we just nurture through ordinary moments.

:: 05:39

There will probably be people who will still insist on seeing an older version of you, and that's understandable. They've known you through previous chapters of your life. They haven't caught up in the same way you have. And you don't have to persuade anyone that you've changed. Your actions will tell the story for you.

:: 05:59

If you were giving yourself an identity do-over, who would you like to grow into next? What does version you 2.0 look and feel like? Your mind, body, and soul all have the capacity to keep evolving. Perhaps you'd like to become someone who protects her peace, who trusts herself, who welcomes rest without guilt, who speaks more honestly. Maybe someone who just doesn't drink. Whatever comes to mind, remember that identity isn't reserved for dramatic reinventions. There are hundreds of small moments that quietly accumulate until one day you look back and realize you've become somebody behaving quite differently.

:: 06:44

Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with 5:00 p.m. cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. I believe in you.