210. Articulation - can you ask?
Can you ask for what you want and/or need? Who can you ask? What does it feel like when you ask? Listen in today for a few of Sarah's thoughts on this thorny one!
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Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free and haven't looked back.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:You can follow me on Instagram at drink less live better or find my resources on the website drinklesslivebetter.com. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let's get straight to it.
-:Let's talk about articulation today, specifically how we ask for what we want and need.
-:When was the last time you needed something from someone else?
-:Maybe it was requesting help on a project, asking for emotional support or expressing a boundary.
-:How did you feel in that moment before the words left your mouth?
-:For many of us, there's a weight there, a hesitation, a recalibration, sometimes even guilt or shame. This discomfort isn't accidental.
-:It's the product of messages we've absorbed throughout our lives lives about what it means to ask.
-:As children, many of us heard, I want doesn't get, or don't go on about it, or figure it out for yourself, don't bother me, just stop.
-:Those early lessons create a complicated relationship with articulating our needs.
-:We're taught that independence is virtuous, that understanding others' needs without explicit communication is a sign of care,
-:and that asking directly somehow diminishes diminishes both the giver and the receiver.
-:Do you ever find yourself thinking, I shouldn't have to ask. They should just know. I do. And is that true? No. No, it's not.
-:Have you ever noticed we don't ask everyone for what we want in the same way?
-:Watch yourself the next time you need something from different people in your life.
-:With your line manager, you might carefully frame your request in terms of mutual benefit.
-:With a partner, perhaps you hint rather than state directly.
-:With close friends, you might be more forthright, or you might be more hesitant, feeling that asking might strain the relationship. These variations aren't random.
-:They reveal our internal calculations about power, vulnerability, and worth.
-:They show us where we feel safe and where we don't.
-:They highlight our assumptions about how deserving we are of having needs met in different ways by different people.
-:The ability to talk about our needs clearly is actually a profound form of self respect and self care.
-:It says, I matter enough to voice what I need, and it's also a gift to others, freeing them from the impossible task of guessing.
-:Clear articulation creates the conditions for genuine connections where needs can be met, boundaries respected, and authentic care for each other exchanged.
-:So how might we become more skilful in our asking? Can we become more skilful?
-:First, let's notice the stories you tell yourself about what it means to ask, and are those stories actually true? Where did they come from?
-:Second, practice starting with small, low stakes requests to build your articulation muscles.
-:Ask a colleague for their input on a minor project.
-:Ask the person in the coffee bar to make your coffee extra hot.
-:Third, pay attention to your body when asking. Are you making yourself physically smaller? Are you rushing through the request?
-:These physical patterns often reveal our discomfort and can undermine our communication. Shoulders back.
-:Ask at the pace that's right for you.
-:Finally, remember that clear articulation doesn't mean demanding.
-:It means owning your needs whilst respecting others' autonomy to respond as they choose.
-:I invite you to consider, what need have you been hesitate to articulate?
-:What might become possible if you found the words to clearly ask?
-:What might it do for your self respect?
-:Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5PM cravings and details about
-:my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And, PS, I believe in you.
