209. Things you'll never hear me say (Part 10) "It is what it is"
"It is what it is!"
Urrrghhhh don't get me started! OK - do... I just need a 6 minute episode to get this one off my chest - ENJOY!
Alcohol Free April - 30 days of 1:1 coaching
Sober Spring - 90 days of 1:1 coaching
Book a space in my Zoom Diary to discuss 1:1 coaching here
Buy the best-selling book Drink Less; Live Better here or order from anywhere you usually buy your books.
Subscribe to my 5 day Drink Less Experiment here
Did you know I've HIDDEN a podcast episode?
It's your secret weapon at 5pm if you are feeling cravings for alcohol. You can download it here
You can work with me 1:1 over 90 days to change your relationship with alcohol?
All details HERE
BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
PS I believe in you!
Let's get connected;
on Facebook
on insta
Check out Drink Less; Live Better for blog posts and more
Subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode - also please do leave a like or review and share the love! Thank you
Found the podcast useful? I'd love to have a coffee with you - you can buy it here THANK YOU!
Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better. Find resources on my website, drinkless,livebetter.com. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let's get straight to it.
-:We return to my series, things you'll never hear me say.
-:This is part 10, and today we're tackling four simple words that might be doing more harm than good. It is what it is. Yes. We've all heard it.
-:When the flight gets cancelled, when the promotion goes to someone else, when relationships falter, it is what it is rolls
-:off the tongue as an apparent wisdom statement, a stoic acceptance of reality.
-:But I want to challenge this phrase today because underneath that veneer of acceptance often lies avoidance, disconnection and maybe even self betrayal.
-:First, let's acknowledge what this phrase does to our emotional processing.
-:When we say it is what it is, we're often short circuiting necessary emotional responses.
-:We're telling ourselves don't feel disappointed, don't feel angry, don't feel grief.
-:But emotions aren't optional software we can uninstall.
-:They're signalling systems that provide vital information.
-:When we bypass our emotions with dismissive phrases like, it is what it is, those emotions don't disappear. They go somewhere else.
-:Unexpressed emotions manifest as tension in our bodies, as distance in our relationships, as narratives that play on and on, on repeat in our minds.
-:The energy of emotion demands some expression, and if we don't consciously process it, it will find other outlets.
-:Process it, it will find other outlets.
-:It is what it is becomes a form of self gaslighting.
-:Gaslighting isn't just something others do to us, it's something we do to ourselves when we deny the validity of our own perceptions and experiences.
-:If your boss consistently overloads you with work and you tell yourself it is what it is, you're invalidating your legitimate need for sustainable workloads.
-:When your partner repeatedly dismisses your concerns and you think it is what it is, you're training yourself to doubt your own needs and boundaries.
-:The phrase becomes particularly toxic when there actually are options for change.
-:It preemptively shuts down the creative problem solving, the courageous conversations and the boundary setting that might actually improve our circumstances.
-:It is what it is often serves as a conversation ender.
-:When we're uncomfortable with conflict or vulnerability, it signals, I don't wanna talk about this anymore.
-:I don't want to feel this anymore.
-:I don't want to engage with this complexity anymore.
-:While there are genuinely moments when temporarily tabling a discussion makes sense, Habitually using this phrase to escape
-:difficult conversations prevents the growth and resolution that come through working through discomfort together. So what's the alternative then?
-:Instead of it is what it is, try one of the following either in your head or out loud. Start with silence.
-:So the difficult conversation is wrapping up doesn't necessarily need a full stop or an ending phrase like it is what it is.
-:Maybe you just pause and take a breath. Let it all settle.
-:Perhaps you could say, this is really difficult right now, and I need to feel some of the feelings around it.
-:Or how about, I don't like this situation, and I'm wondering what options I have.
-:Or perhaps, I'm noticing that I feel really powerless here. Is this actually true? Acceptance isn't about dismissing the reality.
-:It's about fully acknowledging what's going on, including our emotional responses to it before deciding what comes next.
-:So next time, it is what it is, pops up either said by you or someone you're talking to. Question.
-:What might you or they be avoiding?
-:What emotions are asking for your or their attention?
-:What possibilities might open up if you stayed engaged rather than resigned?
-:And just so you know, if you and I are in my coaching space together, I will never shrug my shoulders and say it is what it
-:is to you, and I also won't agree with you if you say it to me.
-:Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5PM cravings and details about
-:my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And, PS, I believe in you.
