46. Asking for what you want or need

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Hello, darling heart. And welcome to the drink less, live better podcast. This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking

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less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol

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free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back. With my experience in training, I now help other women with their

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alcohol free or drink less adventures. You can find out more about me and sign up to my 5 day drink less challenge at drink

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less live better dot com. I'm here to tell you that you can relax, connect, and have fun without alcohol in your life. Join

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me here each week to find out how. What do you want or need right now? Well, how hard is that question to answer? It should

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be easy, shouldn't it? Whenever I hear myself using the word 'should', a little 'should' alarm goes off in my head. Let's

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call it the 'should' siren. 'Should' usually signals an external pressure at play. A need to meet someone or some society's

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expectation. Well, screw that. I think we'll have a look at the should siren in a future episode. I feel I might have a lot

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to say on this subject. I've gone off on a tangent. Anyway, the subject in hand, asking for what we want or need. I'd really

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like an early night. I'd like you to cook dinner tonight please. I'm going out for the day today by myself. I'm vegetarian,

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so please can I have a sandwich without meat or fish? I need a bit of quiet time to do some reading or writing. I don't have

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the energy to listen to this story right now. Actually, asking for what we want or need can be quite hard. Perhaps we need

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to break ourselves in gently. I think amongst my friendship group we are getting a bit better at saying no thank you' to the

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things that we don't feel fabulous about. I love that analogy of saying if it's a hell yes, then it's a yes. And if you're

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not quite sure about it, then it is a no. I love pausing before answering someone's request for my time or energy, and I frequently

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find a loving way to say thank you, but no thank you. When practicing asking for what I want or need, I find it really useful

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to add an emotion or feeling to my request. I'm feeling tired. I'd like an early night. I'm feeling fed up. Please can you

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cook dinner? I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm popping out by myself for a bit. I've got a client at the moment whose family have

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decided she needs tough love, whatever the hell kind of oxymoron that is, And she cannot bring herself to tell them that she

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doesn't want or need tough love. She needs really kind, gentle, understanding love. Tough love is making her feel worse and

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yet she cannot ask for what she needs at the moment. Why can't we or don't we ask for what we want? Is it because we fear

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we will be turned down or otherwise rejected? Is it because we spent childhoods being told 'I want doesn't get'? Is it because

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we feel we aren't deserving? Or is it because we are so damn busy trying to meet the needs of everyone else around us? I don't

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know what your reason is but I do know mine. I'm going to give it more thought this week and I'm going to practice asking

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for what I want in small ways before I start progressing up to the bigger things. I hope you find some ways to ask for things

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this weekend. Please drop me a DM to let me know what you want. I'd really love to hear. I might not be able to deliver it

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for you but I am all ears. Thank you so much for listening today. Please do listen in again next time. And PS. I believe in you.