172. Don't expect yourself from other people
I know, it's a profound title! So often our expectations around how we think other people 'should' behave don't meet with the reality and noticing that can sometimes be helpful. Even more helpful? Seeking to understand where our expectations came from in the first place!
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Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm a best selling author, expert speaker, and life coach.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Give me a follow on Instagram at drink less, live better, and head to the website drink less, live better.com, where you will
-:be able to sign up to the 5 day drink less experiment, find blog posts, and you can choose to join the email club, where I
-:share resources, wisdom, insights, and glimmers of hope and joy. I hope you enjoy this episode. Let's get straight to it.
-:This episode is called don't expect yourself from other people. Isn't it easy
-:Today I present to you the idea that our expectations of others don't always meet with reality.
-:I know, hard truth right here, and maybe it's something that you already understand deeply anyway.
-:Let's have a look at why we people to behave in certain ways towards us.
-:Perhaps it's the 'mirror mirror on the wall' syndrome.
-:We tend to see the world through our own rose tinted or sometimes smudged glasses. Projection.
-:We expect other people to treat us the way we'd treat other people in the same situation.
-:If you're the type of person who would bend over backwards to help a friend move house, you might well expect the same when
-:it's your turn, or if you're always punctual you might find yourself tapping your foot impatiently when other people are late wondering how dare they.
-:This expectation stems from our belief that our way of doing things is the correct way, it's as if we're all walking around
-:with an invisible rule book under our arm assuming that everyone else has read the same rule book and, spoiler alert, they haven't. They've read a different rule book.
-:Others are projecting their own expectations onto us, creating a delightful merry-go-round of mismatched expectations. No wonder we are sometimes disappointed.
-:And what about the childhood greatest hits album?
-:Those formative years when you were busy learning how to tie your shoelaces and colour inside the lines, well, you were also
-:subconsciously absorbing lessons about how people should behave towards you.
-:Your parents, siblings, teachers and other people around you all played a part in shaping your expectations.
-:If your mum always praised your art, you might expect others to appreciate your creative efforts.
-:If your dad was the strong silent type you might feel uncomfortable around people who are overly expressive.
-:These childhood experiences create a kind of greatest hits album that plays on repeat in our subconscious.
-:We carry these tunes into adulthood humming along and expecting other people to know the lyrics, and the problem is everyone
-:is playing their own childhood album and we don't know the words to those either.
-:Of course, this can lead to some either amusing or frustrating situations.
-:Imagine expecting a warm gushing response to your fabulous new haircut because that's what your Nan always did, only to be
-:met with a non committal grunt from your partner.
-:It's not that they didn't like your haircut, it's just that they didn't get the memo about being more man.
-:And then, of course, there's the social media fairy tale effect.
-:In this age of carefully curated social feeds, we're constantly bombarded with idealized versions of human behaviors and interactions.
-:We see posts about parties, marriage proposals, weddings, friends rallying around and looking after each other.
-:It's heartwarming stuff but it's also creating a set of expectations about how we think people behave in general.
-:We start to think that our lives should perhaps mirror those picture perfect looking moments.
-:We expect our friends to organize flash mobs for our birthdays or for our partners to perhaps leave us little love notes on
-:our pillow and our children to bring our us breakfast in bed, and let me tell you, my reality fails to live up to some of
-:these standards, then perhaps we feel a bit let down.
-:When I hit 1 year sober, I remember thinking, great, brilliant, this is so amazing, where is my certificate, my trophy, and my marching band outside my door? And, of course, they weren't there.
-:It's as if we're all starring in our own movie expecting the people around us to stick to the script, But life isn't a perfectly edited reel.
-:It's messy, unpredictable, and sometimes totally mundane.
-:Our expectations of how others should behave towards us are shaped by a mix of projection, childhood experiences, and modern media influences.
-:It's a frustrating and potent mix that can lead to misunderstandings and, of course, mismatches between expectation and reality.
-:By recognizing where our expectations come from, we can start to question whether they're serving us well.
-:Life is too short to wait for others, to follow a script they never received, so don't expect yourself from other people. Expect other people from other people. Is that too profound? I hope not.
-:Thank you so much for listening in today.
-:Please head over to drink less, live better on Instagram to give me a follow, and, PS, I believe in you.
