260. How to Recover From Being Wrong

:: 00:05

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm glad you're here today.

:: 00:15

Okay, today we're going straight in on the subject of being wrong. Nobody likes being wrong, not even a little bit. It can feel uncomfortable, embarrassing, frustrating, and humiliating—take it from one who knows. When we realize we're wrong about something, it often means that the story we were telling ourselves about the world, or someone else, or about ourselves wasn't actually true. We didn't see a situation or circumstance with accuracy; maybe our lens was filtered incorrectly, and that can feel horrible.

:: 00:57

Being wrong, of course, isn't a failure of being human. It is a part of being human, and we get things wrong all the time. We misunderstand, we make assumptions, we predict outcomes that actually don't happen. We make decisions with the information we have at the time, and then we later discover we didn't have the full picture. It happens in big ways and small ways. Sometimes we're wrong about practical things, or a choice we made, or a path we followed, or a strategy we thought would definitely work. Sometimes we're really wrong about people, and sometimes we're hopelessly wrong about ourselves. We're wrong about what might make us happy, and we're also wrong about what might really upset us.

:: 01:52

And what I think I've come to learn recently is that being wrong is actually not the most difficult part. The most difficult part is what comes afterwards: the moment when the penny drops, the moment when something shifts and we suddenly think, "Ah, hang on a second here." And now, at this point, some of us will do something very human: we'll defend ourselves, we'll resist, we explain it away, we double down on the original story, because admitting we were wrong can feel like admitting we're desperately flawed.

:: 02:30

But actually, the opposite is true. Being able to recognize when you're wrong is one of the clearest signs of growth. It means you were paying attention. It means you were learning. It means you were willing to update your understanding of the world when new information is available to you. If you never realized you were wrong, you would never grow or change. You would simply keep repeating the same beliefs, the same patterns, the same behaviors, and life would probably stay very small.

:: 03:02

The first step in recovering from being wrong is just this: allow yourself to see it. Don't judge it. Don't feel any shame. Don't be self-critical. Just be honest about what you found out. "Yes, I got that wrong," is perhaps a really powerful sentence, something very freeing in saying that.

:: 03:26

Once you've accepted the reality, you can then begin to move forward, and the next step will be to treat yourself with a bit of compassion, the same as you would offer somebody else. If you were to imagine a friend or a family member coming to you and saying, "Oh, I've made this dreadful mistake," would you tell them they were a terrible person? Would you suggest that they don't ever try anything new again? "I don't think so." You'd remind them that it's okay to make mistakes, and the same applies to you. Most of the time, we're doing the best we can. Most of the time, we're making the call that seems right in that moment, and perspective is only something that comes later. That comes with the experience: learning.

:: 04:15

When we look at our mistakes with curiosity instead of judgment, we start asking better questions. "Hang on a second. What did I miss?" or "What assumption was I making?" or "What could I do differently next time?" And these questions transform what might seem like horrific mistakes into stepping stones.

:: 04:38

I recently made a mistake, and if I'm really honest with myself, I knew I was going to make the mistake before I made it. My gut told me that this was not the right thing for me to do, but I didn't listen. I went ahead and did it anyway. I didn't trust myself to say no to the thing because I thought I was going to miss a really valuable opportunity if I didn't say yes. Now, this thing did not turn out well. What a shame from a financial point of view, but what a bonus from a learning personal point of view.

:: 05:13

Recovering from being wrong isn't just about accepting the mistake you made. It's about understanding and then integrating the lesson, and it's about allowing that new understanding to shape the next decision you make. I am really clear on that last mistake I made, and I am not going to repeat it again any time soon.

:: 05:35

Okay, one more thing: letting go. Sometimes we replay our mistakes over and over. We analyze them, we criticize ourselves, we wish we could rewind time and choose differently. However, life does not move backwards. It only ever moves forwards. Once you've acknowledged the mistake, learned what you can, and taken responsibility where needed, the healthiest thing you can do is just release it.

:: 06:05

Every wise person you admire has been wrong many times. Every confident person you know has made mistakes. Every person who has grown, evolved, and changed has had moments where they realized they had it all completely wrong. That's the path. That's the route through life.

:: 06:25

You can find me on Instagram at drinklesslivebetter and online at drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with your 5:00 PM cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And PS, I believe in you.