202. Self-talk

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Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast.

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This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.

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I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.

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I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.

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Follow me on Instagram at drink less live better.

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Find resources on my website, drink less live better dotcom, and buy my book of the same name.

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I hope you enjoy this podcast episode. Let's get straight to it. Self talk. Oh, yeah.

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By the time we're in our thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, or more, we've collected decades of experiences, achievements,

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and perhaps some self doubt along the way.

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Let me share something that happened recently.

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I was getting ready to give a presentation for a group of people I really admire and consider to be leaders in their fields, and I caught myself thinking.

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They probably wanted someone much more dynamic than me, but I happened to be available on this date, so they just chose me because I was convenient.

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And then, yeah, I realized just how unkind that sounded and questioned who it was that was saying that to me, and, dear listener, it was me.

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I was speaking to myself in a way I would never speak to a friend, to my husband, to my kids, to colleagues, never in a 1000000 years.

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Now, admittedly, that narrative is not just me speaking to me.

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I recognize it's made up of a whole load of childhood patterning, self knowledge, experiences experiences of the world around

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me and more, but still, come on, it's not nice.

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Logically, I know the person organizing the event approached me and asked me to speak.

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I know they were delighted when I said yes.

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They are paying me for my time, my expertise, and are showcasing me alongside other professionals who I equally admire, So

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I could just feel at least satisfied, if not elated, couldn't I? Well, yes.

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And, of course, there's self doubt, self esteem and confidence, perhaps all conversation points for another podcast episode

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because self talk is what I'm focused on today.

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Those words running around in your head that we label as self talk, perhaps we even call it negative self talk, are thoughts,

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and becoming aware of those thoughts as they happen, like turning on a light in a dark room, is key to changing them.

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You don't need to judge yourself for having these thoughts.

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That would just be adding another circle of hell upon hell. Instead, try this.

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Perhaps for the next 24 hours, imagine your thoughts are text messages popping up on a screen.

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When you notice a negative message about yourself, don't try to delete it right away, just label it or tag it, oh yeah, there's that thought.

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This act of noticing creates a small but powerful space in between you and your thought.

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Pay special attention to your absolutes, your blacks and whites, the ones that start with 'always' and 'never'.

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I'll never figure out this new technology or I always eat too much chocolate.

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These are usually red flags for negative self talk that's become so familiar it feels like the truth.

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And the other one to watch out for is 'should'. Wow.

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Any sentence that starts with 'should' is bound to be punishing.

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I'm willing to bet that between you and me, we have enough life experience to know that these absolute statements are rarely true.

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How about when you couldn't tie your shoelaces or when you couldn't drive? Yeah.

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You persevered and you likely told yourself, I'm gonna keep practicing or this is going to take some time to learn.

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The goal isn't to completely eliminate that self talk, that's probably not realistic or even necessary, unless you have an ego the size of a planet.

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And if you have an ego the size of a planet, I'm pretty sure you're not listening to this personal growth podcast anyway. Nope.

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The goal is to notice it, become aware of it, and then acknowledge it and accept it for what it is.

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Next, you get to to choose whether you believe it or not.

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Think of it a bit like having a conversation with a slightly dramatic friend who tends to catastrophise everything.

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You can of course listen with compassion while knowing you don't have to accept their perspective as fact.

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You can take action by starting small.

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Notice one negative thought today, just one.

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Write it down if you can or see it in a text message in your head, then ask yourself, 'Would I say this to someone I love?'

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This simple question can be helpful in recognising when we're being unnecessarily hard on ourselves.

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I'm pretty sure you show understanding and compassion to friends and family.

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You do deserve to direct some of that compassion inward.

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Your self talk isn't any kind of personal failure on your part.

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It's just a habit and it's ready to be noticed, accepted and actioned. You can start that today, chickadee. Yes, you can. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.

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Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5 PM cravings and also details

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of my 90 day one to 1 sober coaching and details of my alcohol free February coaching. And, PS, I believe in you.