208. The truth about our judgements
This is a STICKY one, we want to consider ourselves to be judgement free - 'there's no judgement here' and yet this statement is just not true! SORRY! Here's what to try instead.... Listen in!
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Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better. Find resources on my website, drinkless,livebetter.com. I hope you enjoy this episode. Let's get straight to it. The truth about our judgments.
-:When we say no judgment here, we're trying to create a space for vulnerability.
-:The phrase no judgment here perhaps reveals a slightly uncomfortable truth if we look beyond the words.
-:We are constantly making judgments at the same time as trying to deny their existence.
-:Judgment is woven into the very fabric of our being, our society.
-:From the moment we wake up, our brains efficiently categorize experiences as good or bad, safe or dangerous, worthy of attention or dismissible.
-:This evolutionary mechanism helped our ancestors survive, allowing quick decision making in threatening situations.
-:We are judging to survive and judging to thrive.
-:However, judgment does extend far beyond survival.
-:We judge people's appearances, beliefs, decisions, and values. We judge ourselves against other people.
-:We judge others against our personal standards.
-:This constant evaluation shapes our relationships, influences our decisions, and defines our identities.
-:I frequently say to my boys, and, of course, they don't thank me for this, but I say, don't judge other people by your standards.
-:And it's really useful to keep in mind, not that teenagers are interested in that.
-:I say it as much for myself as I do for them.
-:So why the common refrain of no judgment here? Why do people say it?
-:I think in part, it's because we recognize judgment's power to harm.
-:If we are openly judgmental, we do create barriers between ourselves and other people.
-:We reduce complex humans to simple labels, either smart or stupid, worthy or unworthy, good or bad.
-:This diminishes both the judged and the judge.
-:I was recently asked to go on jury service, and at the last minute, I wasn't required to attend, and I was so grateful.
-:Even though I spent fifteen years working in youth justice, I didn't want to do it.
-:I did not wanna be a part of the jury for that simple reason. I didn't feel like judging.
-:Judgment blind Our judgment blind spots are numerous, and because they're blind spots, obviously, we don't see them.
-:First, we judge through our personal lens of experience, mistaking our perspective on life for objective truth.
-:What seems lazy to one person might actually be conservation of energy during illness for someone else.
-:What looks like rudeness might actually be cultural difference or neurodivergence.
-:We also fall victim to confirmation bias, noticing evidence that supports our existing judgments whilst easily overlooking contradictory information.
-:Once we decide someone is untrustworthy, we'll interpret neutral actions as suspicious.
-:Perhaps most dangerously, we're often unaware of our judgments.
-:Implicit biases operate below conscious awareness, influencing our behavior despite our best intentions.
-:We might pride ourselves on being open minded whilst unconsciously favoring those who actually resemble us.
-:Becoming more aware of our judgment requires deliberate practice. Try some of these approaches. Cultivate curiosity.
-:When you feel judgment arising, ask what might I be missing?
-:Or what could explain this behavior that I haven't thought about? Notice your body's signals. Judgment often manifests physically.
-:Tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, a clenched jaw.
-:These sensations can alert you to judgments forming before they fully crystallize. That gut feeling, listen to it.
-:Make sure you distinguish between discernment and judgment. So how does that play out? Let's try this.
-:Discernment helps us to make wise choices without attaching moral weight.
-:So this person consistently breaks commitments is discernment.
-:This person is bad because they break commit commitments is judgment. Do you think you judge yourself? I do.
-:Our harshest judgments are often directed inward.
-:We say we're our own worst critics for a reason.
-:By treating ourselves with kindness, perhaps we can cultivate the ability to view others with similar generosity.
-:Perhaps the most powerful shift comes from recognizing that judgment itself isn't inherently problematic. It's what we do with it.
-:When judgment becomes rigid, when it closes us off from connection and understanding, it does diminish our humanity.
-:But when we hold our judgments lightly with humility and openness to revision, the understanding that we might be wrong, judgment
-:can be a starting point for deeper understanding.
-:So perhaps instead of saying no judgment here, we might more honestly say, I recognize I have judgments.
-:I'm committed to holding them lightly, and I seek to understand you better. Yeah.
-:I know it's not as snappy, but hopefully it's a little bit more honest, a little bit more human. I think you'll agree.
-:Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5PM cravings and details about
-:my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programs and PS, I believe in you.
