282. Writing a eulogy
Let's think about what writing our own eulogies can teach us about the life we're living now and what we want it to stand for.
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Transcript
Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here.
::Today I want to suggest something that might seem somewhat out there. I'd like you to write, or at least imagine, writing your own eulogy. Stay with me on this one. I don't think you have to sit down with a box of tissues, your favorite funeral playlist, and a list of your regrets. But what interests me about a eulogy is that it asks a very particular question. When your life is being remembered, what will people say about you?
::And I'm not talking about the obvious stuff: your name, when and where you were born, your job, where you lived, the places you traveled to, the things you bought, the number of promotions you had, the impressive things you managed to squeeze into your calendar. I mean, interesting or not, I'm thinking about somebody who genuinely loved you standing up and speaking about your life. What would they say? What would they remember?
::Maybe they'd talk about the way you made other people feel, the way you made them feel. Perhaps there was a particular kind of humor that followed you through your life. Maybe you were someone who noticed when another person was struggling and quietly made things easier for them. Perhaps your children remember the ridiculous games you played when they were little, like, "Is it a spider or a tickle?" No. So it's just my kids that'll get that then. But perhaps your friends remember the conversations that somehow lasted three hours when you'd planned to just pop in for 20 minutes. And these are the things that make a life feel like a life.
::I sat on one of my good friend's hospital beds this week, and she showed me the start of the eulogy she'd written for herself. Well, she said, "I know myself better than anyone else. I am the best person to write this." Yes. Yes, you are. I agreed. So we laughed through it. We added to it. And we cried. Because it's rubbish, really. But I think writing your own eulogy can be surprisingly useful because it moves your attention away from achievement and towards depth and meaning. You get to decide and talk about what mattered to you.
::So imagine that you have lived a long and satisfying life. You've reached the end, and someone has been asked to write a few paragraphs about you. What do they say? Maybe take a few minutes and write it in the third person. So, "Sarah was somebody who..." and then allow yourself to be honest. Perhaps you'd like them to say that you were brave enough to change direction or to make unconventional decisions.
::Perhaps you want to be remembered as someone who really enjoyed being alive. Maybe you want the people you love to remember that you were interested in them, that you listened, that you really cared, that you made the time. Maybe you'd like to be remembered for the way you looked after yourself because that allowed you to be altogether more you. And then read what you've written and ask yourself, "Am I actually currently living in a way that makes this eulogy believable?"
::We spend so much time wondering whether we're doing enough. Are we productive enough, successful enough, healthy enough, keeping up with everyone else? A eulogy will give you a different measure. Is the life I'm creating the memories I hope to leave behind? Perhaps you'll discover that you're already doing very much of it, and perhaps there's something you've been postponing. Maybe there's a friendship you'd like to invest in. You want more time outdoors, more fun or connection, a creative project. Perhaps there's a decision you've been circling around for too long. Maybe you realize that alcohol is taking up more space in your life than you'd like it to, and you want to see what becomes possible when you drink less.
::There's no need to overhaul your entire existence by Tuesday, although you can do that if you want to. But thinking about your eulogy could give you a different direction to work towards because you are still writing your story in real time, and that means you get to add another paragraph and another and another.
::Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at drinklesslive better.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help with your 5 p.m. cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. I believe in you.
