222. The Power of "I don't want to"

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Hello darling heart and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less Live Better podcast.

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This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely or boring.

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I'm your host Sarah Williamson and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.

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I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures. Follow me on Instagram at drinklesslivebetter.

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Find resources on my website drinklesslivebetter.com I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let's get straight to it.

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The Power of I don't want to A small sentence that might change change your life.

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Before you think it sounds selfish or negative, stick with me.

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These words aren't about being difficult or uncooperative.

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They're about reclaiming something precious that many of us might have lost along the way.

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Our voice and our right to choose.

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Just so we're clear, I'm not about to suggest we start wandering around through the world saying I don't want to cook dinner

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tonight, I don't want to give you a lift tomorrow.

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I I don't want to clean the bathroom ever again. Even though that might be true.

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I'm suggesting we inquire for ourselves what we might have said yes to that we don't want to do now.

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Perhaps it's an internal conversation to start with, how did I end up chairing the Summer Fate Committee? I am not enjoying it.

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I'm getting no fun or pleasure from it.

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Next year I I'll say thank you, but no thanks because I don't want to do this anymore.

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Many of us have been conditioned to be accommodating, helpful and agreeable.

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We've learned that good people don't disappoint others. Good mothers put everyone else first. Good employees never say no.

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But somewhere along the line we started to realise that this endless yes saying has cost us something vital ourselves.

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Maybe our patience, maybe our peace, maybe our sense of humour.

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I don't want to is a revolutionary phrase because it centers your desires, your energy and your choices.

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It's not I can't with its implied apology, or maybe later with its false promise. It's honest, clean and complete.

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Saying I don't want to can feel terrifying at first. Perhaps it does feel selfish.

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But this discomfort often stems from years of believing that our wants and our needs don't matter as much as someone else's.

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I've made it into something funny with my brother.

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We recognise people in our lives have given us Great long reasons, excuses, explanations as to why they can't do things.

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And we laugh and say we're totally fine and we welcome no, I don't want to.

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Particularly from our combined six teenage boys.

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We don't want them doing something under huge sufferance.

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We'd really rather they say no, I don't want to and we love having the opportunity to ask them if there's something else they'd rather do.

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I don't want to does need to be used thoughtfully.

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There are times when it's probably not appropriate.

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I don't use it to avoid legitimate responsibilities I've committed to.

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I won't suddenly decide I don't want to halfway through a commitment.

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I'll honour my existing plans, but I will be more selective about future ones.

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I don't use it as a weapon in disagreements.

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I don't want to talk about this can shut down necessary conversations Instead I might try out I need time to process this.

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Or can we revisit this later when I'm calmer?

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I don't want to in practice in the wild, start small. Try low stakes situations first.

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When the salesperson asks if you'd like to take out a warranty, simply say I don't want to. Thank you.

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Feel how clean and final it sounds.

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Try it with friends and family in casual moments.

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Do you want to watch this movie? I don't want to actually. How about we choose something else? Notice that the world doesn't end. People adjust. People get over it.

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Make sure you practice the pause when someone asks something of you.

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Resist the urge to immediately say yes. You you could try.

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Let me think about that or I'll get back to you tomorrow.

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This gives you space to check in with yourself about what you actually want. Be prepared for pushback.

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Some people may try to negotiate guilt trip or argue with your no practice responses like I understand you're disappointed,

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but my answer is still no or I've thought it through and I don't want to commit to this.

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Remember that I don't want to can be softened without being weakened.

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I don't want to take on another project right now or I don't want to host Christmas this year. Communicate your boundary whilst maintaining relationships. Your wants matter, your needs matter. Your energy is finite and precious. Your time is yours to allocate.

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You don't owe anyone else endless availability or agreement.

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I don't want to makes room for what you do want.

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I don't want to is about becoming selective, creating space for your definite yes pleases by clearing out the reluctant no's and maybes.

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You have permission to want whatever you want and to say so. Thank you for listening in today. Back again next week.

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Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5pm cravings and details about

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my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. i believe in you.