179. This is a safe space or is it?
In this episode Sarah explores the nuanced concept of “safe spaces,” emphasising that safety is subjective and cannot be universally defined. While a space may be labeled as safe, it does not guarantee safety for everyone. FACT!
Claim your free ticket for The Sober Summit
Book a space in my Zoom Diary to discuss 1:1 coaching here
Buy the best-selling book Drink Less; Live Better here or order from anywhere you usually buy your books.
Subscribe to my 5 day Drink Less Experiment here
Did you know I've HIDDEN a podcast episode?
It's your secret weapon at 5pm if you are feeling cravings for alcohol. You can download it here
Did you know you can work with me 1:1 over 90 days to change your relationship with alcohol?
All details HERE
BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
PS I believe in you!
Let's get connected;
on Facebook
on insta
Check out Drink Less; Live Better for blog posts and more
Subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode - also please do leave a like or review and share the love! Thank you
Found the podcast useful? I'd love to have a coffee with you - you can buy it here THANK YOU!
Transcript
Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
-:This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
-:I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
-:I'm a best selling author, expert speaker, corporate workshop facilitator, and life coach.
-:I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
-:Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better.
-:Find resources on my website, drink less, live better.com, and buy my book, drink less, live better.
-:It's available in all the places you might buy a book.
-:I hope you enjoy this podcast episode. Let's get straight to it.
-:This is a safe space, or is it?
-:Dear listener, lend me your ear while I take a moment to add some nuance to a conversation I'm hearing and allow me to say
-:that not enough voices are contributing from this angle.
-:The conversation topic, and in particular the line I'm hearing and seeing, is this is a safe space. I have thoughts. I'll start by saying this.
-:No one gets to tell me that something they have curated or created is safe or not for me. It might be safe for them.
-:It might be safe for some people they know, but I will always be the judge of the places I find to be safe or not.
-:Just because somebody labels a place a safe space does not mean it is a safe space.
-:To begin, let's clarify what we mean by a safe space.
-:Ah, you see, we've run into a problem already because we, that's you and me, cannot define a safe space for both of us.
-:I can't define it for you, you can't define it for me, Your needs are going to be different from mine. Okay.
-:So let's talk about a fantasy safe space for a moment then.
-:A safe space is not only about physical safety, although that is crucial.
-:We're talking about an environment where people feel emotionally secure, respected, and free from judgement.
-:I think we can probably agree that it's a place where someone can let their guard down and begin to process their experiences
-:and emotions without fearing ridicule or dismissal.
-:For those who've experienced trauma, the world can feel like a minefield and physical and emotional safety might not be easy to find.
-:Everyday situations and circumstances might activate painful memories or overwhelming emotions, and that's a reason why someone
-:finding a safe space is so important.
-:Safe spaces provide a respite from that constant state of alertness and allow for genuine relaxation and reflection, a moment to find calm away from chaos.
-:How can we possibly go about creating these sanctuaries of stability then?
-:It certainly involves setting clear boundaries and expectations.
-:If we are talking about a group setting, all parties involved need to understand and agree on the rules of engagement.
-:This might include confidentiality agreements agreements, respect for personal space, and a zero tolerance policy for discriminatory language or behaviour.
-:In a one to one setting, these are important expectations too. Of course, communication is key.
-:We can encourage open and honest dialogue, but also respect when someone isn't ready to share.
-:It's perhaps about finding that delicate balance between providing support and not always pushing too hard. Trust. Trust is so important.
-:We cannot invite someone into a conversation and expect instant connection.
-:I recently told my therapist a story that has taken me 18 months to get round to saying out loud.
-:I've trusted her for a really long time, but it's a story I've kept to myself for many, many years, and I've been building
-:up to telling her for a while.
-:It does feel better to have said it out loud now, but I couldn't have said it out loud with her a year ago. Physical environment plays a role too.
-:We can talk about soft lighting, comfortable seating, candles, and calming colours, but so often the safe spaces we're talking
-:about today are online, be that a zoom room, a Facebook group, or any other type of online community.
-:Group leaders or facilitators can never be in control of the group dynamic and how people respond or react to each other.
-:That would be a cult, and I think we're all agreed that cults aren't to be described as safe spaces.
-:Beware the offer to say whatever you want as not everyone might behave in a way that you find safe if you do say whatever you want.
-:Sometimes whatever you want comes with rules that you didn't get to see or didn't understand.
-:Sometimes these so called safe spaces are built to discuss potentially upsetting or unsettling topics on purpose, and yet
-:not everyone is given the heads up and so they can't prepare themselves or opt out when they might need to.
-:Consistency is your friend when looking for or building security and stability.
-:People who have experienced trauma enjoy predictability.
-:They enjoy knowing what they're going to get and how it's going to be delivered.
-:Don't underestimate the power of small gestures.
-:Acknowledging someone's presence or pain can go a long way in making someone see feel seen and valued.
-:Remembering someone's preferences or simply listening to the truth of what they have to contribute is a powerful and meaningful way of going in the world.
-:I recognize that cultivating a safe space isn't a one time task. It's an ongoing process.
-:I'm prepared to adapt and evolve based on the needs of who I'm supporting.
-:What feels safe one day might not the next, and that's okay. In fact, it's to be expected.
-:It's not just creating a physical space, but an emotional one too.
-:I encourage practices that promote inner safety, mindfulness exercises and or grounding techniques.
-:Another really important point is the safety and security of the leader, host or coach. What training have they had? What accreditations do they hold?
-:What code of ethics do they abide by?
-:What professional bodies are they members of?
-:Are they having therapy to look after themselves?
-:And what professional supervision are they having? These are important questions.
-:Cultivating safe spaces is as much about unlearning as it is about learning.
-:Many of us have internalised harmful beliefs around trauma, mental well-being, and what it means to be strong.
-:Part of creating a safe space is challenging these notions and developing an environment of genuine acceptance.
-:In this safe space, well, the Drink Less, Live Better podcast is a monologue and not a dialogue, so I'm afraid maybe this isn't a safe space.
-:But is my coaching practice a safe space?
-:Well, I won't be the one to tell you that.
-:It's very much for you to decide.
-:There's a link in the podcast show notes to book a 30 minute complimentary Zoom call with me.
-:You can ask me any questions about coaching, see what I look like, bring some emotions, and see how they feel.
-:Look for safety, security and stability, and see where you might be able to find it. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.
-:Please subscribe, rate and review the podcast if you love it, and maybe just turn it off if you don't.
-:Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5 PM cravings and details about
-:my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programmes, and PS, I believe in you.
